I'm not one to open up about my feelings... Never have been. So some people don't know this about me, but I have never been truly satisfied with myself as a whole. I have always compared myself to others and have degraded myself. I have never thought of myself as being someone who actually has something wonderful to offer to the world. I let the negative words that people have spoke to me, define myself. I didn't remember any of the positive things people had said about me, only the hurtful ones. I had become a stranger to myself when I looked in the mirror. I no longer knew who I was. I remember thinking, "When did I become such a monster?" All I really knew was that I was unhappy with myself. I didn't know why. Was it because I thought no one could love me? Maybe. But this is why I'm writing this article to myself. Because I was so unhappy and I finally realized that I am responsible for how I portray myself.
Dear me,
First of all, I would like to say that I'm proud of you for finally opening up in hopes to reach out to someone who might be feeling the same way as I once did. You are not the words that people call you, but the words that you call yourself. Fill yourself with positive and inspiring words and your true beauty will shine through. After all, you are not what hurt you. You are much stronger than that.
When you're feeling like the world is crashing down on you and you start to feel the old feeling again, know that people really do care for you. And the ones who don't care don't matter anyways. You are still learning to love yourself and that is okay. Take the time to get to know yourself again and do whatever makes you happy. After all, no can love yourself more than you can. Don't try to be something you are not. You are you and that's all anyone asked you to be. No one else can be the same person you are. You are enough.
On difficult days, it's okay to cry. That doesn't make you any less of a person like you think it does. Just when you are done, wipe away your tears, hold your head up high, and make tomorrow a better day. You also have the fear of opening up because you think people will only see you as an attention seeker but don't let that scare you. If that is what it takes for you to feel better about yourself then I would rather write 100 books than to sit around and continue to feel the way I felt for so long.
I used to always think that I wasn't good enough for anything. But now I know that I can do anything I wish to do if I put my mind to it. I wish I could say that things get easier but they don't, you just learn to deal with things in a more positive way. Don't let your mistakes define you anymore. You are so so much more than any mistake you could ever make. Please take care of yourself. I love you. Even in your darkest moments, I will never hurt you or belittle you ever again.
Love,
A more positive me
