Before I begin, I would like to insert a trigger warning. These are some of my not-so-wonderful secrets that include self-harm, depression, and my attempt at suicide. If you or someone you know is suffering, please reach out for help. September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. This is a very important topic in my life because at just 13 years old I was rushed to the hospital after I attempted suicide. This is a letter to 13-year-old Jasmine, who thought all was lost.
Dear Jasmine,
I am writing this letter to you from the future, our future. There are so many things that I want to tell you but I will start with the most important. You are worthy of life. I know it hasn't always seemed that way, but it is true. You deserve to be here as much as anyone else. I know you feel like you are invisible and worthless, but you are neither. People see you and people hear you. As you grow older you will constantly find new ways to use your voice in a positive way in school and in your community. I'm not going to lie and tell you that choosing life was the easiest choice, but I can tell you about some of the amazing things that have happened since.
You got back into performing arts by joining theatre and choir. Those two departments and everyone involved becomes your safe haven. In choir you get the chance to sing to your heart's content. You even become a student teacher in a beginning women's class. You also surround yourself with some incredible vocalists.
Now theatre is an entirely different story. Liberty Theatre becomes your home and Mrs. Chadwick becomes another mother to you; you spend more time with her than you do your own mother. You become a member of this extraordinary family. You’ll have many opportunities through theatre like "Opening Number," "Ed Hero," and "The Addam’s Family." You get to meet people from all over Nevada. You eventually become a member of two other groups at your school: Gay Straight Alliance and DECA. In Gay Straight Alliance you got a chance to use your voice to speak about subjects you felt were important in the LGBTQ+ community. In DECA you got to discover your business savvy side that you never knew existed. You definitely made the second half of your high school years extraordinary.
Now I really need you to listen. I need you to stop hurting yourself and start loving yourself. You are beautiful inside and out. You have cried yourself to sleep too many times over the way you look. To be completely honest I still do sometimes but now I know that other people's standards do not define our beauty. Please stop punishing your body. You say you cut because it gives you something to feel but you are feeling. You're feeling pain but I promise you that cutting yourself, making yourself sick, or taking pills isn't actually stopping that pain, it's making it worse. You deserve happiness but you have to continue to fight for that. How can you use your voice if you silence it. I can't promise you that you’ll always be happy and that you won't have to continue to struggle with your mental health but I can promise you that choosing life is and was the best choice I've ever made.
Sincerely your's,
The Future Self That Fought For Life
