Sometimes, we don't realize just how bad of an influence a relationship was until it's over. You begin to subconsciously drift back to how you used to be, before the other person's ways consumed you, and then you realize, when you do or don't do something you would have however long ago this person was in your life, that you had nearly lost your self. And how thankful you are to have returned to your true self. You notice things in hindsight that you didn't in the moment, such as how you would walk on eggshells a lot of the time to avoid a confrontation or how you go along with every suggestion, pushing your own happiness aside. You notice how quick your reaction would be to judge or snap, and how that wasn't you. You remember how they would jump to conclusions and jump down your throat before even thinking about letting you explain, causing you more harm than good. And now you notice, between the sadness and pain of memories you don't regret, how you've gone back to always seeing two sides, to seeing the good in people first, to giving a second chance. You notice how you've made stronger connections with others, how you're smiling more genuinely, how you're not as easily triggered into panic or attack anxiety attacks, and how you aren't afraid to have your me time by saying no. And maybe that's when you understand just how toxic of a relationship it really was. You weren't yourself anymore. You were turning on some who cared about you, you hid a relationship for fear of disapproval, you tried to hide your extra excitement over the little things and things that made you extra happy. And now? Now you could care less about looking like a lunatic for being extra happy. Yes, you're a little more insecure with friendships now, but that's not always a bad thing. And yes, there were some positives that came out of it, as there are always two sides. And for those I should thank you. Thank you for breaking me out of my shell. Thank you for helping me find confidence in myself and for showing me how to stand up for myself. Thank you for being there through some of the rough times. Thank you for the memories that one day I'll laugh at and tell my children about. Most of all, thank you for showing me that I'm strong enough and independent enough to get through a heartbreaking pain as deep as this and for showing me who was truly in my corner. I guess we had different definitions of what we had. I don't hate you, I could never hate you, and while I'm not sure the sentiment is returned from you, I only wish you the best in life.
Love,
The One You Cut Off
