Dear Rush Limbaugh,
It's true. Everything you've been saying. President Barack Obama is bribing lesbians into becoming Midwesterner farmers.
I know. Everyone has been making fun of you, but you were right all along. A few weeks ago I received a letter at my San Francisco home/marijuana dispensory. It was the president inviting me to a conference in Iowa. I can only assume he chose Iowa because of its extremely conservative population which we would proceed to indoctrinate with our radical left-wing ideas. You know, the Gay Agenda.
I should clarify: when I say "we," I mean myself and a bunch of dykes from the Seven Sisters schools in New England whom President Obama is actively trying to recruit to the Midwestern farming industry. Obviously, this is just a front for the propogandist organization we will form to convert your friends, the "self-reliant, rugged individualist types" who love the Second Amendment, into socialist-pacifist-atheist-satanist-pagan-feminist-liberals.
At the conference, us Bernie-loving lesbian socialists learned that President Obama was willing to give us a ton of money to ditch our boring lives on the coasts and set up a farm in the Midwest. How could we say no? It was perfect. We could start our own farm (none of us knew anything about farming, but we figured we'd learn quickly), maybe even grow for my weed-dealing business back in San Fran, and at the same time we would be spreading liberal homosexual feminist propoganda in the most conservative part of the country. What could be better?
Anyways, I just wanted to write to you to say thanks for letting me come forward with this. I felt kind of dishonest in the beginning, but I think now that this is out in the open I can move on with my new farming lifestyle. It's been great so far; everyone's been real friendly. Hope you can make it out here some time to visit your favorite lesbian farmers!
