Dear Ex-best friend,
It’s hard to believe I’m referring to you as my “ex” best friend. I thought best friend meant forever, and forever never includes referring to someone as an “ex." I never saw our friendship ending. You were the one who understood me when no one else did, you were someone I could escape from reality with and someone who never ceased to make me laugh. If I were to describe my perfect friend, they would’ve included all the personality traits that you had. It’s funny how fast things change.
If I would’ve had my eyes open, I would’ve known the end was near. Looking back, it was as clear as day. For starters we stopped spending time together. We went from seeing each other daily to maybe hanging out once every two weeks. When we did see each other it didn’t end with me crashing on your couch but instead with me heading back home three hours later. Our time together wasn’t the same – I didn’t feel comfortable sharing secrets with you and we didn’t laugh nearly as much as we used to. You stopped texting me daily and instead only talked to me whenever you needed something. I went from a priority to someone you only use when you needed, and that’s when I should’ve ran away.
When things finally did end with us, there was no going back. It wasn’t one of those “we might still talk occasionally” friendships, it was a dead-set “we’re done associating with each other” kind of thing. The thing that hurts the most is that losing you hurt more than losing any boy ever did. It’s not surprising, though, you were my number one for a little over three years. How can ending something like that not hurt?
I want to let you know that I miss you. I miss driving country roads with you late at night and singing together. I miss our McDonald’s runs. I miss being able to call you up whenever something crazy happened and I miss you being the person I could trust with anything. We share so much history in our friendship that losing you really is losing a piece of me. You took that piece of me with you and I’ll never see it again. That hurts, and I’m not going to let you believe that I didn’t cry when our friendship ended. I did, and I’m strong enough to admit that to the world now. I’m strong enough to say losing my best friend hurt more than I could ever put into words.
I don’t think we could ever be friends again. I think that too much harm has been done since our friendship ended and the bridge we had together is destroyed beyond repair. I hate saying it, but you’ll never be a part of my life again. So many people have only said negative things about you when I tell them our friendship has ended. They place all the blame on you. I don’t. We both know we’re far from perfect, and I’m just as guilty for this friendship’s failure. I am not bitter over you, however. I do not wish you terrible things. You did me dirty, and I still wish you the best. I hope your relationship works out well. I hope you figure out what career is best for you and go for it. I hope the issues in your family settle out peacefully. I hope you have other friendships that blossom beyond what we had and that last for lifetimes. Although we are no longer friends and will never be again, I wish you the best. You deserve a beautiful life.
Know that I take full responsibility for everything about this, even the parts that I rightfully shouldn’t. Know that I’m over here cheering you on, even though I’m certain you haven’t thought of me since.
Know that, at the end of the day, you’ll always be one of my greatest friends.
Love,
Your ex-best friend
