Christmas is coming. In fact, it’s less than a week away. That time of year where you would be officially fed up with my sisters, mom, and I singing holiday songs and watching all of the holiday movies that time would allow. I know you loved it too, how could you not? It was always the best time of year, and has always been my favorite.

I can remember being a tiny tyke and waking up at no later than five o’clock in the morning to wake you and mom up; only after jumping on the beds of my siblings first. We would sit around the tree and open presents. You and mom always knew what to get me. Do you remember that year you wrapped all of my gifts in postal paper because I helped you out at the delivery company all year? It was probably one of my favorite Christmas moments. Even better because you were there. Another year you and mom got me my first cell phone. You placed it into a box, wrapped it, and then orchestrated a brilliant prank in which you had a friend of mine call the phone while I was holding the box. Classic dad.

Last year was hard on our entire family. We had lost two other family members that year, not long before the holidays. You helped me and my sisters organize a surprise for mom who was absolutely devastated by the events that had transpired and we worried she would have the worst Christmas ever. You all convinced me to fly out Christmas Eve and surprise mom on Christmas morning. All of us in matching “Murray Christmas” shirts of which you had the idea. Everyone was happy, we took pictures, and I got everyone the dorkiest gifts I could think of. The kids got the Star Wars PodRacing game, we never got to play together. I got you an Eagles ornament in the shape of a high heeled shoe, I wish I would have gotten something better. It was not necessarily the most exciting Christmas, and by far not the year with the most presents, but I will never forget it, because it was my last Christmas with you. How could I have known that those would be my last moments with you? Our last Christmas, our last dinner, our last photo together, our last hug goodbye. Only two months later I would receive a call telling me that you had died.

Now, it’s that time of year again. My tree is up, the ornaments are hung, “Now That’s What I Call Christmas” is playing in the background. I think about you every time. I don’t know where you are, I have no idea what the afterlife looks like, or even if there is an afterlife although I like to hope that you have connected there with the other friends and family members we have lost. You and Uncle Kenny are probably throwing the best darn holiday party anyone has ever seen, with Neinie making her Jell-O mold, and Other Neinie leading the singing and dancing. The only thing I can be truly sure of is that I miss you. You were the Darth Vader to my Luke Skywalker (we both know I am no Princess Leia). Luke was the lucky one though, after Anakin’s death Luke had reassurance that he would always be with him through an ethereal form and a friendly smile. I did not have that. All I know for sure is that this Christmas I will be missing you, and all of the other family I have lost through these last few years. I know this is the first in a long line of Christmases I will need to go through without you. I also know there will be many other milestones that I will need to go through without you by my side; but I am your daughter. The lessons I’ve learned and the personality I have is at least somewhat because of you. You will live on in my memories, and I will remember you this Christmas. I will remember the jokes you made, the songs we’ve sung, and the love you’ve given me.