I don't know who you are. I don't know what kind of living hell you have to wake up to every day. I don't know exactly how you feel. BUT, what I do know is that you will find happier days. You will eventually find peace. You will be able to erase all of the horrible thoughts you have. It will not be easy. It will take time. It will happen, as long as you allow it to. Please don't give up. I am going to tell you why you need to keep holding on.

When I was 16, I found it harder and harder to be happy with myself. I started criticizing my body and my physical appearance. I would look in the mirror every night and just not appreciate what was looking back at me. I also made the mistake of allowing people to manipulate me into believing I did not matter. I lost my sense of direction and self-love and there was nothing that held me back more in life than that.

As I grew older in my teens, what I thought was a phase was progressing. I found it hard to find joy in anything. I was lost and confused. I started to surround myself with toxic people. I don't know what attracted me to them, but this was a huge mistake. I fell into a hole that I was stuck in and I kept sinking further and further. For a while, I starved myself. I found that I could never get an appetite. I had this pit in my stomach that made it so hard for me to take care of myself. I then started to lose sleep. I would stay up all night, trying to stop my mind from screaming horrible things at me. Eventually, all the guilt and disgust I felt led to self-harm. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to come back from. I felt like I was drowning. I can't count how many nights thoughts of suicide were trying to creep their way into me brain.

I lost a lot of weight. My eyes were marked with permanent dark bags and my cheeks were sunken in. My eyes started to lose all sense of glow they ever had. I began to resemble a corpse. I was so exhausted by life at that point in my life and I thought to myself, "I can never come back from this." I just assumed I was a lost cause.

This went on for years but then something strange happened. I began to think, "What if I'm not the problem?" I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It was dim, and very far away, but there was no denying it was there. I decided to get some help from professionals. I had to go through long hours of therapy and medication but I finally started showing improvement. I started to see that the people in my life weren't helping me. As hard as it was, I started letting go of the people that I was better off without. I found the people who, to this day, support me and help me grow as a person.

Then, before I knew it, graduation came around. I never could have imagined the weight that lifted from my shoulders that night. I made it. The girl who, sophomore year didn't want to go on living, graduated high school. I was free of the chains that high school had on me. I, for the first time in a long time, was proud of myself, and that was a foreign but wonderful feeling.

I began to take my faith a little more seriously. I prayed hard for better days and I tried to keep a close personal connection to God. I realized that He loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me. I got more involved with church, retreats and things that helped me spiritually.

It only went uphill from there. I got to college and decided that this time in my life was ABOUT ME. I joined Theta Phi Alpha sorority and started to come out of my shell that I was hiding in for so long. I broke down the walls that I built so high and started to be who I am for the first time in my life. I had a group of women who saw the best in me and I desperately needed that. Something about 80+ women telling you how wonderful of a woman you are can change your outlook on yourself.

I found my best friend that has been through some of the darkest hours with me. She made me feel special. She always made me feel like I could move mountains and continues to til this day. I found love. I fell in love with the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got constant support, genuine love and pure happiness. All of the stuff I have been through was worth it. I could have never imagined being with someone who makes me feel so happy. I always thought it was impossible.

I was a self-harming, depressed, broken girl who completely turned my life around. I went from not wanting to live to doing as much as I possibly could to be alive. I went from looking in the mirror and sobbing every night to someone who is confident and content with herself. I have never been in such a great place. If someone would have told me this at 16, I wouldn't believe them, but it happened. I found a reason to live and be happy.

I know that it is hard to see past the pain right now. I know that it seems like you can't come back, but I'm telling you YOU CAN. If i could come back, you can too. Please don't give up. Don't lose hope. There is only one you and you have so much more to live for than this pain. You will get through it. Don't give up.