To all my deceased loved ones:

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you all, every single day. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry sometimes at the mere thought of you all not being here. Every single death between you all was unexpected and something I could have never prepared myself for.

I've experienced many deaths, but your deaths hurt me the most. I cry, I pray and I laugh at the memories of you. Then, I cry some more and pray I can one day stop crying and be reunited with you. You're not here and it's a horrible feeling. For anyone that's lost someone, regardless of the situation, it hurts! I absolutely cannot tolerate when others tell someone everything is going to be okay because nothing will ever be the same. But, day by day the situation get's easier to deal with.

If I didn't have anything to believe in, I'd be screwed. Being a Christian is the best thing because I know that if I pray and pray and keep on praying, one day He'll heal me as much as I need to be, as long as I believe in Him and know that it'll be a brighter day. So far I'm fine, but I have my days. Prayerfully, all of you are in a resting place and are all watching over me and walking with me every step of the way.

On a different note, I'm in college now! Crazy right? I grew up so much since you all left me. I graduated high school at the top of my class and in the National Honors Society with the second largest amount in scholarships. You all knew that already though because you were there. I knew you all always believed in me and I know you all are proud of me. I'm doing so well in college and in life. I bought my first car with cash and even though it's not the flashiest, it's mine! I started establishing myself some credit and I now have fair credit. I've been working at the zoo for almost three years now. I'm also still getting good grades in college! As many credit hours as I've taken my first two semesters, I'm proud. I'm now a sophomore!

I miss you all so much Granny, Big Aaron, Rell, Terell, Jaleel and so on. Granny, I'm trying my best to get your tombstone! I got the payments down to $500 so I know you see that I'm trying my hardest because gosh, tombstones are expensive! I'm so thankful for you because without you I probably wouldn't be trying to be in the fashion industry right now. I'm following what I know you dreamed of doing and you influenced me so much. You don't know how bad I need you to help me right now. Big Aaron, I'm still waiting for you to pick me up so we can drive to Atlanta again like we were supposed to last year. Rell, I just wish you were here because I really need my big sister — I miss you so much. Terell, I need you here because as much complications you and my mom had, she couldn't live without you. Jaleel, every time "My Love" by The Dream comes on, I will never forget how you waited for me to sing Mariah Carey's high notes and of course, I always hit them—I can't even do that anymore.

I miss you all so much. I try to forget how I saw a couple of you when you were gone in hospital beds and how I saw you all in caskets and how our families suffered. We're still suffering. I'm praying that we'll get better. We actually are much stronger now, but the pain is still there. You want to know how I know? I didn't write a single line of this letter without tears falling from my face. You all are the highlights of my life and are still here with me in spirit. I love and miss you all so much. The dove on my ankle reminds me that you're walking with me every step of the way. My doves with halos.

Love your granddaughter, daughter, friend and sister,

Darrieya