Hey bud,
It has been a little over a year now since you passed away and whoever told me that I would get over it after a while is a dirty liar because that is anything but the case for me. Anyway, I know I already said goodbye to you but we were kind of cut short as I am sure you remember. After all this time, I am still processing how it all could have gone so wrong in a matter of seconds. One moment you were happy and preparing for your new life and then suddenly, you are sitting in a hospital bed doing your best to recover from cardiac arrest. This probably isn't the kind of discussion you want to get into at the moment, so I will try to avoid that. I still think about you just about every day despite it causing me nothing but trouble. Honestly, with my memories, I'm not sure which is worse, the good memories and thinking about the fact that I will never be able to have any more with you, or the bad ones and thinking about what I could have changed to make them good. I try to look at the positive outlooks of you. You have done so much for me since we were kids and without you, I don't know where I would be or what kind of person I would have turned into. I'm not entirely sure how, but losing you has made me even better of person. I realized a lot more about myself and it's made me more comfortable knowing it. You especially helped me realize something which I have still only told a select number of people. I honestly can not thank you enough for everything we have been through together and no matter what, I cannot forget you, nor do I really want to. I feel like if I ever forgot about you one day, it would do nothing but berate the memories and, in a way, dishonor you. You deserved so much more than what life gave you and sometimes I think, that if the world was run the way it should be, we would have switched positions right now. But, I guess life has to take all the good people away before it will start caring about the bad ones. Anyway, I miss you incredibly and I am always thinking about you. You were like the brother I never had and that still has not changed even after your death. I will always love you like a brother just as well.
Your best friend,
Jean-Pierre Jam III
