To the college student making peace about friendship,
When I was leaving friends from home saying my goodbyes, it never occurred to me that they would not all move along with me through college. Moving from home, and living with people day in and day out has resulted in new friendships that already feel like lifetime friendships. It is much harder to hide one’s true self when spending so many hours a day with one another. This is when you see how people handle homesickness, illness, stress, and challenges.
It has been an eye-opening experience. In the earliest days of college, most freshmen are open to all contact back home to lessen their fears. Most have fears of being physically lost and emotionally overwhelmed. No one wants to appear anything less than confident. This is a time to welcome people into your life knowing some close connections will be made. Everyone is just as lost and inexperienced as you. Keep in mind, everyone is trying to find themselves and the people they want to surround themselves with.
Living with strangers is a brand-new experience. It is probably the only time most of us will live with people that we did not know prior to our arrival. Social media can give some sense of who these people are, but until we actually interact every day will our similarities and differences show. Initially, it’s mostly luck. To high school seniors, you will eventually be given a form to question some basic personality traits. Are you an early riser or a night owl? Do you like neatness or is messiness not a problem? How about noise?
If you have had your own room while growing up, be warned. Another consideration is sharing. You may not have thought about this since kindergarten. Are you willing to share clothing, groceries, accessories? Communication is key to resolving issues rather than internalizing, and then exploding. It isn’t always easy or comfortable, but necessary if there is any hope of things getting better.
This will also be a time to see how friends back home will factor into your life. If you are lucky you will be hearing from your favorites with their college stories, and through their social media pictures. Seeing friends struggling, and then succeeding is a great feeling. This might be time to plan visits to see their new homes. It is an amazing experience becoming independent, even though there are days when it is difficult. Having laundry done and homemade meals prepared should not be underrated! Be grateful for those luxuries.
With independence, comes creating a new circle or family, and there will be some hits and misses. When things go perfectly, you will find friends who are invested in your happiness. Seeing a coffee delivered with a “thinking of you” note goes a long way. Taking care of each other when illness hits is wonderful. Many college students have faced this due to lack of sleep, dehydration or stress. Dragging yourself across campus to get food or medicine is no fun, and this is when you can see who really cares, knowing that they will need the same one day.
Deciding who to keep close by your side and who to keep a little further away will be difficult. There may be friends from home that have disconnected, or changed in ways that don’t make for a healthy relationship.
“Distance sometimes lets you know who’s worth keeping and who’s worth letting go.”
Having a history with someone does not mean that there will be a future with them. This is a part of growing up and becoming an adult. Then there is the possibility that acquaintances from home could become closer. The important thing is to keep an open mind, and a strong sense of which friendships bring comfort, not conflict. It’s about feeling appreciated and valued, not demeaned and criticized.
Life is full of many changes, so stay open to it and be happy.
