Millennials are really great at starting ridiculous trends that older generations have no idea about, nor understand. One trend in particular that is completely ruining (potential) relationships, and that I hear older generations constantly questioning, is the “talking stage.” This is the stage between getting to know someone and actually sticking labels on them by calling it a relationship. Trust me, it’s just as complicated as it sounds.

The whole idea of the talking stage is one massive grey area. For example, here are some thoughts that every person in the talking stage may experience:

What are the boundaries? We are not fully committed, so does that give me the right to “talk” to someone else at the same time? I mean, obviously I will get jealous if he/she is “talking” to someone else too, but doesn’t he/she have every right to?

Is this stage just a test run to see if we should make it official? Why don’t we just put the label on it right now and go from there?

Do I have a right to be mad if he/she barely ever texts me? He/she is not obligated to update me.

Can I even trust him/her? But do I even have to? We’re not official, so he/she can speak to whomever he/she wants, and do what ever he/she wants. OK, now I’m going psycho.

One thing in particular that one partner might say is, “I just don’t know what I want.” Which is completely fine being only in your early 20s. No one at this age knows exactly what they want. One major aspect to take away from the talking stage is communication. Just be honest with your person of interest. Do not keep them guessing. The talking stage causes paranoia and hysterical assumptions that may endlessly drive someone mad. Do not let the lack of communication intrigue the imagination. If you're not sure of what you want, that is fine. Express that to the other person so they are aware of your feelings. Don't make this a guessing game.

What is really irritating is the fact that the talking stage is 102 percent draining. Opening up to someone in an intimate way is exhausting. Especially if you’re one to be particular with whom you open up to. Understanding that everyone’s experience with the talking stage is different, when it brutally ends it really does sting. Investing yourself in a partner is completely exhausting, considering you share dreams, secrets, passions, and everything with them. Rawness and realness came from both ends, and when it just ends, it hurts.

If anything should be taken away from the talking stage, millennials should be able to walk away with more confidence and knowledge than before. Hopefully this stage was a learning lesson. Don’t walk away regretting spending your time with that person. It’s OK to be upset, because time is the most valuable thing you can take from a person. The only regret I personally have from experiencing five consecutive months of the talking stage, is the amount of time I wasted not letting the whole “talking” situation go. I drained myself and spent some unproductive hours questioning everything about myself. I put all of the blame on myself, thinking I was the crazy one and that I needed to change. I was never given a real answer as to why it fell through, but did I ever really need one? We were never official.

After a while I came to the realization that not all things are meant to be. You will meet people who are destined to be in your life, and they may leave at anytime. Not everyone you cross paths with will click with you. Sometimes the sparks are just not there, or they fade over time.

Or sometimes you come across an immature little skater boy who lacks all communication skills, who also lets his friends think for him instead of thinking for himself. xox