The Fourth of July always stirs up a strange feeling in me. This year, I wasn't in the country to celebrate it's independence, saving me from my annual conflicted-ness.

Fourth of July is fun. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. What child wouldn't love a day of firecrackers, sparklers, and barbecue? Even when I matured and learned about the many atrocities that the United States has committed, and how equality for all of its citizens is still an uphill battle, I was able to shove these feelings aside and wear red, white, and blue just for the tradition of it all.

Now, I find it hard to even half-ass my patriotism.

"We live in the greatest country in the world." My father always tells me. As a child, I believed him. In my mind, America was a glimmering empire of freedom, abundance, and bald eagles. We won every war we went to and liberated those who were suffering under tyrannical governments.

I'm grateful that, as I grew older, I was able to educate myself on all of the reasons as to why America is not the greatest country in the world. Clinging to the mindset that everything the US does is righteous and correct is a dangerous act, one that many parents encourage their children to mindlessly commit.

"I don't think it is." I finally responded to him one day.

"Our home is built on the bones of Native Americans. Our president's home was built by slaves. America has put Japanese families in concentration camps during World War II. Police murder unarmed black people senselessly in the streets every year and face little consequence."

My mother's face then contorted with anger. "People died for you to be able to say that. Young men lost their lives for your freedom. America's not perfect, but we're the best country the world has seen."

I understand that soldiers have died in order to protect the United States.

I understand the immense sacrifice that people have made, and I understand that I'm privileged to live in a country where I can openly criticize my nation without repercussions, where I can pursue an education, and where I can vote for my leaders.

However, if we're on the topic of soldiers, I also understand that many men were sent against their will to fight for this nation, while others, like our president, wielded their wealth and power to dodge the draft. Land of the free and home of the brave, though, right? Today, our military terrorizes the middle east, killing thousands each year. America also forks billions of dollars over to foreign militaries that are currently committing acts of genocide, colonialism, or occupation (cough cough, Israel.)

The true American heroes were those who fought back against the administration, rallied against unjust laws, and made an effort for change. The people that really made America great were those who were hated by those most privileged, those with the most power, those who never questioned our government.

For every reason my parents told me I should love America, I can think of two for why I should hate it. I understand that no country is perfect and that it may seem like I'm asking for a perfect, equitable utopia. However, all I'm asking for is tolerance over my resentment towards this country.