Let me chase you,

Let me look for you everywhere I turn. Let me look for an excuse to come down to your floor and maybe have the courage to knock on your door. Let me come around time and time again to help you study, to sleep in your bed and trace the lines of your body. Let me make you feel beautiful, let me tell you that I had no idea people like you even existed. Let me pick apart your mind so I can find the universe in your eyes. Let me laugh with you, let me share my deepest darkest secrets, cry with you, and smile with you because you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Let me go on adventures with you: climb onto rooftops, dive into open water, climb reservoirs at 3AM with you-my favorite human. Let me undress you, let me admire every inch of your being and how incredibly beautiful you are from the inside out. Let me lay my head on your chest and hear your heart beat while I fall asleep. Let me introduce you to my friends, my family, and my mother-my favorite things. Let me tell them how fucking awesome you are and wonder, "How did I get so lucky?" Let me welcome you into my home with open arms, take you to places you've never seen before, let me show you a whole new world. Let me make you feel alive, let me love you, hold you, squeeze you, kiss your lips, make you feel infinite. Let me be your world, and most importantly, let your heart be my home.

But,

Let me play with you, let me play with your heart perhaps. Let me come and go as I please. Let me not respond to your missed calls and text messages until hours later because "I just wasn't near my phone". Let me never give you straight answers. Let me tell you "I don't know what I want from you or this," but still let me come around as I please. Let me make you wait endlessly to decide whether or not you're worth it to me, whether or not I like you enough to be with you. But still let me sleep with you, laugh with you, cry with you, let me hold your hand. Let me tell you after the waiting game I made you play that I was still keeping skeletons in my closet the whole time. Let me make it clear that I go, "wherever the wind takes me" and that "just because we're dating that doesn't mean I have the time to talk to you or see you every day". Let me not show you how much I love you on special occasions like your birthday or Valentine’s Day. Let me never offer to take you out on a date and never give you an explanation as to why-even though I know you deserve the world. But let me be selfish; let me take MYself out as I please. Let me push you away.

Now,

Let me break your heart. Let me rip your world right from underneath you. Let me tell you that "I just need to focus on myself right now". Let me make you cry for days on your bathroom floor. But then let me confuse you. Let me tell you this is a "temporary pause" and that "I still love you and I still want you, just not right now" because "I just have a lot of stuff going on and I need to focus on myself". Let me confuse you even more. Let me text you every two or three days just to say hello. Let me be your “friend.” Let me expect you to dismiss the fact that I just broke you into a million pieces so we can be "friends". Let me tell you that, “you're too great of a person to not have in my life.” Let me push you to the side for now so I can do my own thing, then come back to you when I'M ready. But let me keep you in the friend-zone for now. Let me still not be able to keep my hands off of you, my lips off of yours, my eyes off of YOU every time we are physically together. Then let me text you two or three days later "just to say hey", and maybe call you in the middle of the night. Let me post things that I know will burn your heart and soul to ashes. But Let me come to your room and breakdown. Let me tell you how my world is falling apart, let me tell you how scared I am…of tomorrow, of the future. Let me tell you you're the closest thing to home that I have and that I can finally breathe when I'm with you. Let me whisper to you softly when I think you're asleep, confess my love and reassure you that I’ll always be here. Let me leave you wondering how you can love someone so much yet destroy them at the very same time. Let me leave you wondering why you weren't special enough to keep around when times became rough for me. Let me keep you hanging by a thread, wondering if and when I'll ever come back around again.

Let me love you half way.

- I'm sorry, but I don't believe in a love like that.