I have had my life planned up to my fifties since high school. My job, my finances, what age I'll marry and have kids. literally, anything you can plan, I have written it out in detail.
If you'd asked me at 17 where I would be at 20, it would not have sounded like life sounds now.
Four months away from 20, I can tell you that even the most disciplined of planner never get to choose their own path.
At 20, I'm not enrolled in a university. I'm enrolled at a technical school (tell 17-year-old Maddie that). But even though it's so far off from my original plan, I'm not ashamed of that. In six months, I'll be a licensed massage practitioner. I'll be working full-time and doing something super fun.
Even though I'm a little bummed life isn't going according to plan, it isn't because I'm not happy.
(It's because I'm kind of a brat and I like to always be right, especially in my predictions of the future.)
I believe God pulls on your heart silently sometimes in order to make you available for the plans He is holding for you. Every time He pulls you in a different direction, He doesn't come down and spiritually announce these changes to you. Sometimes you just change your mind out of nowhere. Sometimes you decide what you planned is not what is going to make you happy. Your heart will never be fulfilled with you own plans unless your plans match up with God's plan for you. Let's be honest, this rarely happens.
When I decided to hold off on transferring to a University and attend a technical school, I surprised myself. I mean, I was headed to a university with medical school goals in mind. While I was going through the process of changing my mind about school I never stopped thinking about how far off of my plan this new idea was, but I never doubted that it was the right choice. I never felt like I was making the wrong decision and I never felt scared because something in my soul is and was telling me, "This is THE plan".
I would be lying if I told you I figured it out. I have no idea what God's purpose was for changing my mind so drastically. The strangest thing is, though, that I'm more at ease in this state of the unknown than I ever was with a full life plan. I've decided to leave my life in His hands and let my plans sit on the back burner while God unveils THIS life for me.
If you are someone who can't let go of you own ways, let me tell you how much peace will fill you up whenever you decide to let go and let God. My anxiety toward my future has vanished knowing I am no longer trying to take control of my own future.
On my own, I have so much to juggle. I have so much to decide and keep up with. I have so much I can turn into anxiety and stress. By letting go, I feel that all my worries are not my worries anymore. I can feel God taking all of this off of my shoulders and taking it into His own hands.
Even as someone who needs to control every situation, I feel confident God has my best interest at heart. I know the plan He is unveiling is far superior to anything I could ever plan for myself.
