Summer is viewed almost unanimously as a time for rest, relaxation, and post-finals rejuvenation. It's spending time with friends and family, going to fun places, and enjoying the sun. Of course, summer isn't always a walk on the beach. With so much happening this year, I was able to take this summer to truly focus on myself and to grow as an individual. These are the top five lessons that Summer Sixteen taught me.
1. You have to learn to let go.
People will betray, backstab, and disrespect you. It's inevitable, and it hurts. A lot. It's entirely justified to grieve over something lost - a friendship, a relationship, an amazing opportunity. Still, valuing oneself means prioritizing your own values and to not stoop as low as someone else has. They say the best way to get revenge is to live well. In fact, the best revenge is indifference. Saying "no more" to someone or something unhealthy is absolutely crucial in moving forward and gaining strength. This may take time, but in the course of a summer, you could realize that you're much better off without some people, places, and things in your life.
2. You have to live up to your values.
Values define a person's method of behaving. Living up to your own displays a kind of self-love and respect that only you can give yourself. For example, someone who values honesty is entirely less likely to lie to their loved ones. Everyone's moral compass shifts and develops, but not everyone will hold your same values. It's important to know what you hold dear - family, health, spirituality, etc. Being with others can sometimes warp our boundaries, but whatever they may be, going against a concrete self-rule will only breed discomfort and guilt. It isn't worth the anxiety, and choosing not to engage in unhealthy patterns will seriously set you free from that burden.
3. You have to assert yourself.
This one's hard. For those of us with passive or passive-aggressive personalities, it's easy to put the needs of others before our own. But there's a cost to this sort of selflessness. Self-sacrifice, even in small doses, can impact the psyche in numerous ways. In fact, it radically impacts social behaviors and self-perception. A passive person struggles with speaking up about what they need or want in a situation. For us, that means feeling uncomfortable for others' sake. A lot. Over time, it can become ingrained that you are not worth what you are; that the need to please takes precedence over the need to take care of yourself. In the past, I've found myself in extremely uncomfortable situations that could've probably been avoided if I'd used more assertive communication. This summer, I've found myself expressing my needs as well, and it's made a HUGE difference in my confidence in social experiences.
4. It's okay to make mistakes.
I messed up a lot this summer. I broke a lot of rules that I now have in place for myself, but I had to actively do my best to remind myself that no one is perfect. This summer has been so much about self-acceptance, experience, and having crucial revelations, the most important of which is simply that...
5. It's not okay to give up.
Just because you fall short of a goal, make a mistake, break a value or feel any kind of guilt, it's crucial that you acknowledge that it happens to everyone. Not a single person who walks this earth is perfect. Although it's disheartening to lose something precious, it's critical to look at the situation as an opportunity to learn something in order to better yourself. Being someone with mental illness as well, realizing that life will never be easy is a truth that I had to come to terms with. Things will always go wrong, I will always make mistakes - but I will continue to learn and to grow. I will learn more about myself and grow into who I've decided to be. Summer Sixteen was a great one, and as we approach a new school year, we will take these lessons with us and make Fall 2016 a great one as well.
