First and foremost I wanted to say thank you and while our relationships didn't necessarily in the best of circumstances I have learned something about myself and about love from each of you, more specifically what love isn't.
Love isn't using someone's kindness against them.
Maybe I was young and naive. I still stayed up with you for nights and nights talking you down from whatever had gone wrong that day, even when you were seeing someone else. You knew what I wanted to hear and you would say them. "She just doesn't get me like you do." I was your "emotional girlfriend" (as my mom and I called it). You were the first boy that taught me I deserve more and that I shouldn't put as much time into someone who is not willing to give it back to me.
Love isn't a competition.
You liked me, but you liked her too. I stayed. I fought for your attention and I thought I was winning. Then you blindsided me, said what we had wasn't exciting anymore. You didn't feel it anymore. From you, I learned that is a game that I don't want to be a part of. I don't want to be constantly fighting for someone's attention especially when it is split between me and someone else. Neither girl deserves that.
Love isn't a 2:00 a.m. text when you're lonely.
With you, things were finally clicking. You hit all my check marks that I thought I had in my head for what I was looking for. You made me excited. Again, you said the things I wanted to hear, that you had never connected with anyone like you have with me. But you used me. Everything you said and all those sweet messages, you rubbing circles into my hands with your thumbs were a lie. You were lonely and I was naive caught up in the idea that we would work together. From you I learned that sometimes what seems perfect isn't and that if a boy texts you at 2 a.m. saying he misses you after not talking to you all day, he probably doesn't.
Love isn't keeping secrets until they inevitably catch up with you.
Things were finally coming together with you. You weren't perfect, but you cared about me more than I felt anyone else ever had. You did all the little things that made me feel safe with you. But secrets caught up to us and you made the decision for both of us that we shouldn't see each other anymore. It broke my heart but I understood then and I still do.
No hard feelings are left with any of these boys, and I truly wish them all the best. All of us have moved on in our own ways and I wish them all the best and happiness in the world. I think they all deserve love, just like the rest of us. But what I've learned from them is that the people you meet are important. Your experiences and relationships with them form you as a person. All of these experiences both good and bad have helped make me who I am today and I want to thank you all for the lessons I learned.
