In the twenty years I have spent on this earth, there have been many lessons that I have learned. Some of them were taught to me, and others I learned through experiences and mistakes. These are what I believe to be the most important, and are things that I think everyone should know.
1. It’s okay to be sad
You don’t have to be happy all the time. Just because nothing necessarily bad is happening in your life doesn’t mean you have to be a big ball of sunshine. Everyone has off days… it’s okay to be down in the dumps sometimes.
2. A mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about
I actually remember one time when I was fighting with a friend in high school, she used the fact that I have depression as a hit against me. Needless to say, I haven't talked to her since then, but I later realized that not only was this a low blow, but it wasn't really a blow at all. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about. Having depression and anxiety has made me into a stronger person. I mean it's not something I just go around telling everyone I meet, but it's a part of me. Going through the hard times has made me better and stronger. I'm not embarrassed to say I have depression... it's a disease just like anything else that you cannot control. You wouldn't be embarrassed to say you had diabetes... right?
3. Everyone makes mistakes and we all have regrets
There are things we have all done in our lifetime… no matter how old you are… that you will forever look back on and think “yikes”. But these mistakes don’t define you. We have all done stupid things that we wish we haven’t, but the past is the past and you have to move on.
4. Breathing exercises are very effective in treating anxiety
I’ve learned from classes and experience that taking time to listen to your breath… not even manipulating the way you’re breathing, but just simply paying attention to it really can calm you down. During an anxiety attack or even just a really stressful time, taking deep breaths while paying attention to the rhythm of your inhale and exhale can really help to ease your mind.
5. You can be dissatisfied with your appearance but you have to love yourself regardless
It’s okay to look at something about yourself and think, “I’d like to change that”. It’s okay to want to be thinner, or thicker, or maybe clear up some acne… attainable things. But you can’t be unrealistic, and you have to love yourself regardless. While you’re losing those 10 pounds you want to lose… be proud of yourself and the body you already have in the process. You only get one body throughout your life… and you’re stuck with it every single day. So you might as well love it.
6. You don’t have to live up to society’s standards
Going along with the last one… you don’t have to lose or gain weight just because that’s what society thinks is attractive. You don’t have get super muscular just because that’s all they show on the front of magazines. Media’s representations of people are unrealistic and you do NOT have to live up to these expectations.
7. Girls don’t have to be girly and guys don’t have to be manly
Speaking of society and media representation of how people “should be”… girls don’t have to be girly and guys don’t have to be masculine. Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean you have to love the color pink, frills, makeup and rainbows… and just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you have to like the color blue, sports, and rough and tumble activities. And just because someone doesn’t fit these stereotypes doesn’t mean they’re gay either (a very common misconception, especially for young men). Everyone is different. You can’t shove someone in a predetermined box just because of their sex. Gender and sex are two completely different things.
8. There’s a difference between sex and love
Basically, all I have to say about this is, just because they had sex with you doesn't mean they love you... and just because they love you, doesn't mean they have to have sex with you.
9. Life’s not fair
Just because you do something good, doesn’t mean that something good will happen in return. I love to believe in karma… but sometimes life just isn’t fair, and you won’t always get what you think you deserve.
10. It’s okay to say no
Sometimes you just have to say no to people. This person might even be someone that you love dearly, but you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do/feel uncomfortable doing just because of that reason. It’s okay to say no. You have to stand your ground.
11. It’s okay to change your opinion about someone
No matter how long you’ve known someone, it’s okay to change your opinion about them. You can decide one day that they maybe aren’t who you thought they were. You don’t owe anything to them… you don’t have to stay friends with them.
12. People change
Throughout the years, everyone changes. Yes even you. No one is a static character, which is why it's okay to change your opinon about them. Your personalities and beliefs might just not mesh anymore.
13. Friends leave
Going along with the fact that people change... it's no surprise that some people just don't stick around. And no one really has to give you an excuse as to why they stopped hanging out with you or talking to you. Sometimes we just grow apart and that's alright.
14. You have to take time for yourself
When all of the stress in life starts catching up with you, sometimes you just have to sit back and relax. It's important to take time for yourself, whether that means bingeing on Netflix, drinking some wine, or just taking a nap. Your work can wait... you need to take care of your mind and body before you take care of everything else around you.
15. You have to do what’s best for you
Sometimes this means doing something that you think may not be "right". For example I had an amazing job opportunity for this summer, but I ended up turning it down because I didn't think it would make me happy. I had to do what was best for me and what would make me the happiest. There will be other job opportunities in the future and things will always work out in the end.
16. It’s never too late
This can pertain to many things. It's never too late to learn how to paint, play an instrument, do a cartwheel... anything. It's never too late to apologize to someone. It's never too late to start talking to that one person... just do it.
17. It’s important to have something you can lose yourself in
This goes along with taking time for yourself. When you need to get away from the stress of life, it's important to find something that you truly love and can put your whole self into. For me that's painting... if I'm having a day I can completely lose myself in it. It can make any bad day better and I just forget all the stress and negativity around me.
18. It’s important to get outside
It's no secret that sunlight is good for you... But even the fresh air is something you need to soak in every once in a while. After hunching over your text book all day, it's good to just go outside and breathe air that isn't filled with other peoples breath and dust. Even on a rainy day, going outside and looking at how the rain drops make interesting patterns on a spider web can be refreshing. It's important to enjoy the little things and the beauty that nature brings to us.
19. Embrace your inner child
Sometimes you just need to take a day to play in the mud and jump in the puddles. Go rip up some grass and throw it at your brother... just live. Have fun.
20. Your mom is always right
She knows you better than you do whether you like it or not. Just listen to her. Always.
