For a long time after my parents divorced, I was bitter. Colors weren't so bright, laughter was forced. Over and over again I asked myself and anyone I thought might know the answer, "Why?" The answers were always the same. "It wasn't your fault." "Don't blame yourself." Blah, blah, blah. I knew these things. I knew it wasn't me. I was a good child. They had always told me so, even when they were at each other's throats. What I didn't know was the one answer I was seeking and I eventually had to learn that answer on my own.
People fall out of love - and that's okay.
Yes, my parents' divorce was rough. It lasted almost three years by the time the dust had settled and it was over and done. In the end it left me in a foreign world, but it taught me so much that I never would have learned otherwise. It taught me life lessons about love, strength, and most importantly, letting go.
Being a teenage girl, the thought of someone falling out of love with me terrifies me to the core. However, watching what my parents went through has taught me how to be careful when dating, how to choose partners more carefully, and how to weed out the ones who aren't the kind that last. You know that guy who is a "mystery"? He's probably so mysterious because he's hiding something. You know the guy whose playful banter stings every now and then? Those words are going to burn much more after ten years of hearing them. You know the one you can't get a text back from? He's the one you find with your best friend. All of these things that girls tolerate now will only lead to heartbreak, and possibly divorce, years later. The things that truly matter aren't looks, money, or status. The one you want to marry is the one that would happily stand by your side when you've lost absolutely everything. He will be with you when you lose your looks, material things, or even your own mind. Marriage is really hard, and you need someone who's willing to accept and work for that.
The hardest thing about my parent's divorce was remaining strong. Hearing rumors from both parents and everyone else made it very difficult. Gossip pulled me in every direction at once. It wasn't until I learned to stand on my own two feet and not be influenced that I rose above it all. Then I learned what true strength was. Strength was looking at both parents separately, and stepping in to become their rock. Strength was never having a true home to settle down in because I was constantly living out of a bag. I wanted them to both know I wanted to see them and I loved them. Strength was promising myself that I would never let my relationships end like theirs. All of these hardships turned me into a stronger person. I am now someone who can deal with adversity and overcome it. It taught me to persevere.
Learning to let go was probably the best lesson my parents' divorce could've taught me. I've realized that holding onto something that's dead or not good for you only destroys you. This goes for bad relationships, friends, or opportunities. There's no sense waiting for something that's long gone when you could be searching for something that could potentially be perfect for you. If you're waking up every day and aren't happy about who you roll over to, leave. Find someone who makes each day an adventure or a challenge. If you have a friend who constantly stabs you in the back, burn that bridge. Find someone who's real and who will have your back in the worst of situations. If your job sucks and your boss is a real Class A jackass, put in that two weeks notice (that's where the strength comes in) and march your happy tail out of that door on to bigger and better things.
Life is too short and precious to waste - so don't.
