When people talk about their favorite romantic movies, it’s become quite the cliche that there is always someone who says that their favorite movie is “The Notebook.”
This is usually followed by several groans from people around the room who either are sick of that answer, or bitter because that was what they were going to say. Either way, this movie has gone down in recent history as the film to make you believe in love, and the film that will make you cry. It has even become a thing that people will “notebook” their boyfriends. “To notebook” someone means to make them watch the film and so they will become emotional and to bring out their romantic tendencies that may be underlying in the daylight. While this can be very entertaining, the power of “The Notebook” over us is a little bit frightening.
The film came out in 2004, a time when I was a very vulnerable 9-year-old with no idea what love was. To be fair, I still have no idea what love is, but that’s beside the point. I remember wanting to be Allie because I wanted someone to love me the way that Noah loved Allie. I wanted to be in a relationship so passionate that it consumed me. Thankfully, that 9-year-old grew up and realized all of that was insane. Watching the film now, it is clear that Allie and Noah’s relationship is not something to be aspired to. Yes, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are two of the world’s most perfect humans, and this movie is famous for a reason, but there is another conversation that we should be having about it. We need to step back and realize what this movie is teaching us about love, and about life.
Allie dreamed of going to a great college and doing something wonderful with her life, and Noah made her feel terrible about that. He made her choose between her future and him. That’s ridiculous. If someone asked you to choose dating them over your career, you’d kick them to the curb in a second. I realize the stakes seem higher when this ultimatum is coming from Ryan Gosling, but they shouldn’t. We should have enough respect for ourselves to put our goals and our aspirations first. A guy that doesn’t respect that probably doesn’t respect you, and you’re better off without him.This movie also teaches us some other very bad relationship expectations, let's start with this example:
Alright Noah, you don't need to point. We get it— you're mad— but maybe come up with a better way to convince me to stay. As of now, I'm going to run away from this kindergarten move as fast as I can. This is not okay.
And we can't forget this one:
Allie and Noah's relationship was full of passion, half of the time it was romantic and the other half of the time it was fighting. While that makes for a great movie, that's not the kind of relationship that is going to work for everyone. There are going to be rough days but that shouldn't be every day. I grew up thinking that I wanted this, but now I realize that I want a love that is simple. Loving someone doesn't have to be dramatic, it can be simple and raw and honest.
"The Notebook" is one of my favorite movies of all time, I just now know not to take relationship advice from it. I've also learned something else from this...
I would have chosen Lon.
