One night, as I was sitting around a bonfire with a few friends, we began talking about scary movies. In general, I am a pretty big wimp when it comes to horror movies. As we were discussing what scared us, my mind began to race with questions:
"When did simple, harmless things such as, the woods by our houses or dolls become so frightening?"
"Are we born with fears or do we develop them over time?"
Fear is an important response to both physical and emotional threats. Without fear, we couldn't protect ourselves from real danger. We are born with only two innate fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. But what about those situations that don't involve real danger, yet we feel the fear so real and palatable? A clown, a doll, the dark, the woods. All these things seem harmless, yet so many fear them. When does a baby doll go from a childhood toy, to something to be afraid of?
A child is not born with these fears, but rather learns to be fearful from social cues and environmental factors. For example, a child sees a spider crawling across the floor. Curious, they pick up the spider. The parents, fearing for the safety of their child, quickly brush the spider away acting somewhat alarmed. The child has now learned to be afraid of spiders.
My grandmother gave my sister and me porcelain dolls for every birthday for years. We both have a glass doll case in our bedrooms at home. I never thought of them as creepy until one fateful day. My friend told me that she had heard that if you take a picture of porcelain dolls at an angle in which their eyes aren't looking at you, but the picture shows them looking at you, then they're possessed. Being the naive 10-year-olds we were, we decided to try it. Now, whether or not that picture really showed the dolls looking at us, we may never know. We couldn't even look at the photo, we were too scared. So scared, we couldn't sleep in my room that night. The next day, I covered the glass case with pictures, posters and other odds and ends. Although the decorations have changed, the glass case still remains covered, 10 years later.
With a growing number of horror films and video games that center on common everyday objects, its no wonder clowns, dolls, wooded areas, and even TV static have become frightening. "Slenderman," "Five Nights at Freddy's," "Annabelle," "The Forest," "Poltergeist," "IT," "Killjoy," "Saw" and the list goes on and on.
It's funny though, as we grow older and our thinking becomes more abstract, we begin to fear ideas more than actual concrete objects. Rejection, death, social interaction, embarrassment, failure, being alone, the unknown. Why? Associations. Something happened in our childhood or past that has taught us to fear these things.
A new boy walks up to a group of boys on the playground. He says hi, but the boys just laugh and walk away. The boy feels rejected, sad and hurt. He now associates all social interaction with negative emotions, and he fears it.
A girl writes an article. Not too many people read it or like it. She associates the low response as a failure. She fears rejection and failure of her future articles, to the point she things about not even posting one this week.
That girl is me. Even as I write, I feel the fear creeping up in the back of my mind.
So what does it take to overcome our fears? The only way out is through it. Confronting it instead of backing down. Posting the article and being proud of it, even if no one else is. We have to make new, positive associations with the objects and ideas we fear. This is easier said than done and can take years to completely conquer your fears. But it's an important thing to do because the fears we don't face become our limits.
Whether you're Brave Brenda or a Scared Sally, know that fear can be adaptive or maladaptive. But also know that our fears are learned, therefore can be re-learned. There is still light at the end of the long scary tunnel.
