I am poison, toxic to my bones.
I feel things, I see things, I understand things.
But I realize to make them aloud might be misconstrued,
and so, I stay silent,
and make my misfortunes consistent, more personal, and worse.
People hurt. They have hurt. They carry scars and bruises and mars because of the pressures and madness of existing.
We have strange ways of dealing with our pains and issues, mostly because we don't think our fellow existers will understand. And how could they? They don't live in your head, they haven't had the actual experiences that you have, you can't know if they have dealt with the same emotions that are coursing through your veins... But people were made to relate. They were made for relationship. They were made to care; they cannot be apathetic, no matter how much they may want or try to be.
But, when internally aching, we push people away... when really, we know that a tight hug from a friend or family member is the only thing that cover the distress we feel, even for a time temporary. We know, but we wallow in aloneness, in our own thoughts and lack of expression, feeling like no one could or would get it.
But, that doesn't matter. Trust, care, devotion, rawness, that is what propels people to understand and grow and outshine in authenticity.
Friends can be a wide variety of people, and a wide range of nearness, and those who are emotionally and physically close enough to lean on are indescribable and so appreciated by those who have them.
I thank God for my friends, the ones who I have been blessed to meet, the ones who are blood, the ones who brought me into the world, the ones who don't even know they are.
Don't ever believe you want to be left to your own devices. For a time being, it may be helpful, but don't ever push the people away who care enough to address your own hurts. They are the stars in the dark, cold, universe of your existence. Opening up can be absolutely one of the most difficult things, and one of the most terrifying, but you can achieve a level of comfort and peace by accepting that you are not alone.
No one wants to be left alone.
Everyone wants to be comprehended, at least to a certain extent; Do not fail to see it. And do not fail to try, for the minute we do, we admit defeat. We let the pressures and insanity of our own existence win in our hearts and minds, and believe that we are alone.
I promise, you are not.
