The winter after my freshman year of college, I applied for a study abroad program in London. The day that I was accepted I was overly thrilled, and accepted my offer almost immediately. Why wouldn’t I? It was a great opportunity, an amazing program, and I was super excited that I got in.
At first it was exhilarating planning for my time abroad. A new country, new people, new opportunities, it was surreal. It wasn’t until I had paid my tuition for the program that everything really sunk in. In a few months, I would be traveling to a different continent to live for half of the summer.
As departing day got closer, my doubts began to increase. Why had I chosen a program so far away from home, from my family, from comfort? I am not particularly fond of change, a characteristic that continued to shine through as the day approached. Did I really need to study abroad?
I continued searching for reasons to stay. I was scared, and was losing my confidence by the second, but deep down I knew it was too late to take back my decision.
A few days before I left, I was scrolling through my Pinterest homepage (as I do everyday) when I came across two quotes. The first, a quote by Raymond Chandler, said, “Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” The second one, a simpler but still a favorite one, read, “Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.”
These words were what convinced me that I could do it. I could survive in this new place, and I could succeed.
The morning I left was one of the hardest mornings I have ever had. As I said goodbye to my father and siblings at the airport gate, tears fell down my face. What helped me through were the comfort words my family had continuously been repeating to me through my moments of fear and self-doubt. “It’ll be okay, you will be okay. You can do it.”
My mom had travelled with me to ensure that I was nothing short of prepared for my first time abroad. My goodbye to her was equally as hard. Again she said to me, “I believe in you, you can do this. You will be okay.”
Back at my dorm room in London I was sitting at my desk when it hit me, I was officially alone. A few days into the program I met my classmates and made an awesome group of friends.
All throughout my program, I kept reminding myself that if I weren’t good enough, I wouldn’t be here. Almost a year since I first applied to that program, I find myself with a broader and larger amount of knowledge, as well as with ever-lasting memories.
The reason I found myself writing this article was because lately those feelings of self-doubt have been mingling in the back of my mind. Amongst applying and competing for internships, an intense school and workload, plus trying to maintain a social life, I have been finding myself questioning my abilities more and more.
However thinking back to my experience abroad, and the mountain of self-doubt I successfully and happily made it over, I remind myself that although combatting these fears and doubts is tough, it is not impossible. Every time I find myself thinking that I can’t, I remind myself that I can, and that as a matter of fact, I already am.
