Ya know, there is a lot of things wrong with society.
And, unfortunately, society makes it to where there are a lot of things wrong with us. Society gave us, both men and women, rules to follow, and the rules for women are so prominent all over social media and within other women.
I have personally struggled with loving myself as I am and trying to please society at the same time.
Growing up, I have always been a "bigger" girl. Just a little more fluff to love, at least that's what I told myself. There were times where everyone around me looked skinny and tiny, then there was me. I quit cheerleading growing up because I was the biggest one on the team. I never tried out for sports because I didn't fit the "athlete" look.
I remember growing up wondering how many dogs I would have when I get old and began writing down names for them, because in middle school they would tell me that no one loved me. Middle schoolers are cruel.
High school was my biggest obstacle because I felt like everyone was avoiding me or would fake being my friend. I felt like the entire high school was judging me on my body type and weight. It got so much worse when I had to have surgery my junior year on my knee and could barely walk for a long time.
Only recently, I started caring for what I looked like to myself after I really became rooted in my faith. In Christianity, God created everything to be of His image. I really found my worth and self confidence in that.
Instead of looking in the mirror of myself and saying "ugh" and looking at beautiful sunsets and saying "wow," it got to the point where I was saying "wow" to both. I learned that if God created me to be in his image, then I was beautiful regardless of what this world said.
Learning to love myself was a journey that I have been traveling down for the past 6 years. It hasn't been easy. Most days, I look in the mirror and still struggle to love myself, but it is getting easier to see the beauty beneath my skin.
Some days I hate my body and my face. I struggle to see how it is "beautiful," but I know that I am beautiful. I hate myself most days, my body, my personality, the choices I've made, the words I speak.
The one thing I have learned most about myself throughout this journey is that self love isn't easy. It is going to be many trials against what I think is beautiful against what society thinks is beautiful.
I am a chubby girl, and with society's way of explaining what is beautiful, it has made it hard to love myself. One day at a time, I am learning how to love myself.
Self confidence is something I struggle a lot with, but learning to love myself and not listen to society has made my confidence boost so high. I may not have that "summer body," but the body I have is the one I love.
