It’s only four weeks into the fall semester and my mind is already freaking out. You see, I have this friend. It’s that one companion I never asked for, who follows me around constantly: like a shadow- where I go, she goes.
I turn, and she's there. I run, but somehow she's faster than me. I think I can outsmart her, but she's always one step ahead of me. Taunting me, mocking me. Saying I can't do this, spiraling my brain into an endless abyss of doubt.
If you were thinking that this "friend" sounds a lot like anxiety, then you guessed right.
She's been by my side for several years, and I've tried everything I can to rid myself of this unwanted sidekick. It seems like all she does is bring me down and attack me. She lies to me by telling me that my loved ones secretly can't stand me. She reminds me that if I give in to sleep tonight, I'll only be plagued with nightmares. She says that I'll never be successful, and everything I've succeeded at was by chance, not intelligence. She convinces me that if I dare to get out of bed today, I'll only make mistakes and my life will collapse. She forces me to cancel plans last minute with friends, because she reminds me of all the things that could go wrong.If your journey is one that holds the long road of anxiety, you understand all too well what I'm saying. Stick with me, because this article is for you.
I've been learning to fall in love with my anxiety, and it's honestly changing my whole outlook on life. It’s not easy, but it makes my life a lot happier. Let me explain to you what I love about my anxiety (a sentence I never, ever thought I would utter a year ago).
I love that my anxiety allows me to develop new relationships. In America, as of 2016, 40 million people live with some form of anxiety, ranging from annoying to completely debiltating. That is so many people who are facing the same daily challenges as you. I'm slowly learning to be open and honest about my mental state with people. You never know how this will help a new relationship blossom. It gives you the ground to connect with and encourage someone, and tell them that it will get better. Too many times, I viewed my anxiety as a crutch and as something people would look down on. Now I'm trying to view it as a tool that I've been given to allow me to understand other people better, and be there for them. That’s the first thing I love about my anxiety; the chance it gives me to connect with people I typically wouldn’t.
I love that my anxiety has also quite literally forced me to find the silver lining in everything. It's all about joy in the little things, my friends. That's what keeps me going. On the days where it's so bad that I have to pull my car over on the side of the road to get ahold of myself, I look up at the sky (because no matter where I am, the sky is a constant- isn't that cool?). I stare at this vast expanse, and remind myself that the One who created that is by my side. When my anxiety causes me to break down and cry, I remind myself that feeling emotion is really a beautiful thing, and I'm lucky to have a soul.
I love that my anxiety pushes me to be the best me I can possibly be. I remember that my anxiety doesn't define me—so I focus on the things that do define me. For me, it's my faith and creativity. So I choose to grow in those, and turn to them instead of giving in to my whirlwind of doubts. Whatever it is for you, make sure it's positive. When your anxiety is telling you all you are is a puddle of fear, remember that you are so much more than that.
And finally, I love that my anxiety taught me to take care of myself, and therefore love myself and the things that make my heart sing. At home and feel an attack coming on? Watch your favorite TV show or bask in the sun.Take a bubble bath or read that book that's been sitting on your shelf for forever. Listen to some soft melodies or drink some tea. Do what brings you joy.
If I hadn’t been diagnosed with anxiety, I can think of some people who my path never would have crossed ways with. If I hadn't been diagnosed with anxiety, I probably wouldn't be an optimist. If I hadn’t been diagnosed with anxiety, I wouldn't have the same motivation to grow in my strengths that I have now. And finally, if I hadn’t been diagnosed with anxiety, I wouldn't have discovered the little things that cheer me up and calm my sea of thoughts. This is why I love my anxiety. It's made me who I am, and for that I am thankful. It can only get better from here.
