You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours?" Yeah well unlike Luke Combs, I did not end up of a four day, three night beach vacation.

My semester had a couple events that would forever change me as a person. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, my grandmother passed away, and I wreck and totaled two cars. Now, I am a firm believer that God allows things to happen in order to help us find ourselves, to help us learn lessons that will make us stronger. Though the changes and challenges I faced were often sudden, difficult, and usually unwanted, I believed that all of it was happening for reason. I believed that I was going to find myself. Be a stronger, better person because of the hardships I was going through. And I would have been.

However, during all of these hardships, boys happen. My hardships made me pity myself, feel bad for all the bad happening to me. I looked at boys as a comfort. What I looked for was a companion, someone to hug at the end of my hard days. I soon found out and started a relationship that had zero emotional connection involved. I told myself maybe if I keep it up, he will develop feelings. I was giving him all of me. I only wanted some feelings, some love in return. I would see him and pictures of other girls and compare myself to them. Knowing it was a bad idea, but still allowing myself to do it. After several encounters, I realized he didn't want any form of an emotional relationship. As a result, I found myself blaming myself. I let this happen. I put myself in these situations. He was only doing what I was allowing, and I couldn't blame him. I had let him continuously use me. And after he used me I would always feel the same feelings. Unworthy. Not good enough. Broken.

This brokenness left me feeling what no one, especially a girl, wants to feel. Rejected. I saw myself as impaired to be loved. Something had to be wrong with me because he couldn't like me. Though I did everything for him, gave away every piece of me, I couldn't get the same in return. I was the problem. I was unlovable.

However, then I read this quote by one of my favorite authors.

"Live from the abundant place you are loved, and you won't find yourself begging others for scraps of love." -Lysa Terkeurst

Suddenly, a lightbulb went off. I realized if we live in the mindset that we are loved by God then we don't have to depend on others to supply us with love. We don't have to worry if we are worthy or capable of being loved, because God has already shown us we are. He reminds me everyday. Through the grace he extends to me, my friends, my family. He has shown me love far greater than any boy ever could. I no longer have to fear rejection, because I don't have to give anyone the power to make me feel not good enough. I don't have to wait anymore on him to come over and give me attention, that scrap of love I so desperately am seeking, because I know I am enough. I am loved. I don't need to hear it from him.

Realistically, most days it is hard. Some days I look in the mirror and see some bump, some blemish, or fat roll that makes me question my worth. Some days I see girls on Instagram who appear to be flawless, who are getting engaged and so happy, so loved. I get jealous, and I constantly struggle with knowing and remembering my worth. I relive all the bad, questionable choices I have made.

But, Lysa reminds me once again, "God's love isn't based on me, it's placed on me." Again, Lysa Terkeurst is hitting the nail on the head.

God doesn't choose who is worthy of his love. You can't get kicked off the list or sent to detention because of your bad decisions. It isn't based on what I have done. The mistakes, or choices I have made. It isn't based on what I have said or what I haven't said. His love is simply placed on me.

And if I remember this constant, unfailing love that he displays and embraces me with everyday, then I can truly begin to live everyday loved.