As a college student who’s just a few short weeks away from finishing my freshman year, I find a lot of my peers talking a lot about what they learned during what, for many, was their first year away from home. For some, it was learning how to study. Maybe it was learning that whites and reds need to be separate when doing laundry. I’m sure a lot of people are bummed to realize that the freshman 15 was not a myth after all. Others are just happy they can now shotgun a beer in less than 5 seconds. Instead, my greatest accomplishment was learning to fail.
My childhood is filled with memories of trophies, ribbons, and medals. I’m not going to sugar coat it, I was a winner and I was good at pretty much everything I attempted. Sports were something I enjoyed that came naturally to me and I excelled in almost every one I tried (although my basketball phase was a rough one yikes). I made varsity, contributed to championships, held records and I loved every second of it. If I wanted a part in a play I auditioned and got it. If I sought a spot on student council, I was elected. If I wanted a particular job, I applied and was hired. In my senior year of high school I was an honor roll student, accepted to a peer leadership program, and eventually accepted to my top choice dream school. After a perfect summer of more great memories, I went off to college expecting nothing less than my good fortune to continue.
It’s not like any of these accomplishments were handed to me. I worked hard for everything I wanted. It’s just that I almost always ended up getting them as well. There were limited disappointments for me because I had known nothing but success in just about all of my endeavors and that’s what changed.
I have always been passionate about service. So when I found out my school had a coed frat centered around volunteer work I was ecstatic. I knew it was competitive but I was sure I'd nailed my final interview and felt I made genuine connections with the people I met during rush. However, when the call came that I didn't get in I was devastated. It took an entire cookie cake, a few calls home for pep talks and lots of hugs from my amazing friends to make me feel better. Even now I still get a little bummed about the missed opportunity. Of course, this wasn’t the last time I had to deal with disappointment.
I’m a relationship girl for sure and I always had a steady guy in my life for most of high school. College was the first time that pursuing someone I liked didn't come easily. Guys that I truly cared about rejected me and I dealt with that like any 19-year-old girl does, more sweets, more calls home to my mom and more hugs from my friends.
On top of all this, college academics hit me like a truck. School work had always been relatively easy for me to do well on. Thankfully, after first semester, I got my bearings and learned what works and what doesn't. However, my GPA didn't reflect the kind of student I had always been or wanted to be. And of course, the cherry on top of my bad luck streak was getting the rejection email over spring break to inform me that I hadn't been accepted to my major.
I found myself wondering what was wrong with me. I was never a prodigy, MVP or genius by any means but I had never dealt with this constant feeling of disappointment before, let alone watch it snowball in all aspects of my life. I felt alone, upset, confused and unbelievably stressed out about my future.
One day, a professor reminded our class that although schoolwork is an important part of attending a university we, as students, are here to grow in ways that go beyond academics. We live on our own, away from our families and hometowns and have the opportunity to do and experience things on a college campus that we never have before and never will again. There was nothing wrong with me at all. Failure is normal, common and necessary and I had somehow been shielded from this reality my whole life.
I know it may sound naive to list off all of my “problems” and complain about them. At the end of the day, I am a middle-class, healthy, intelligent woman with a phenomenal family, fantastic friends and the ability to get a college education in the best country in the world. I believe there are so many more people with situations and issues far worse than mine and I won’t pretend that just because the frat guy I’d been hanging out with didn’t text me back I am entitled to compare myself to the people dealing with these things.
The point is that I had never experienced real, heart-wrenching failure before coming to college. While some look at it as a negative, I now challenge myself to take a different approach and learn from my mistakes and setbacks. I’d even go so far as to say I now encourage failure because it motivates me to work even harder at something than I was before. Some of the darkest and most disappointing moments from my first year have also turned out to be the best learning experiences and I am a better, stronger, more well-rounded individual because of it.
At the end of the day I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and if something doesn’t work out, even despite giving it my all, it’s probably because something better is coming. “When one door closes, another one opens” has never been more relevant and meant so much to me as it does at this point of my life. These are the most crucial years in shaping the kind of person I will be and I intend to take full advantage of growing, improving, and failing in any and every way that I can, even if it takes lots of sugar, phone calls, and hugs to figure it out.
