I recently heard the saying, “We plan and God laughs.” The last couple years of my life have proved this time and time again. I planned on flying through my two years of undergrad at UNC, apply for pharmacy school, and be Dr. Madison Saint-Amand within six years. That received a chuckle. I planned to be top of my class and be involved in 1,200 extra-curricular activities. Bigger laugh.
Up until college, I had never struggled with school, never had to study, was involved in numerous extra-curricular activities. I danced, cheered, was VP of my school’s Student Council, and was involved in multiple other clubs. There was nothing that I could not handle… until I entered my freshmen year. I struggled with being a little fish in a major pond and found myself consumed in Carolina’s hard-driven curriculum. The first two years of college were not exactly a cakewalk. I had to learn that when I fall, I must stand back up. I had to learn to study and I had to learn how to manage all of this sudden change quickly, which I found to be particularly tricky. Each chuckle and laugh produced by God caused me to want to bury myself and never return from the dark hole. After many hours of crying (I am ashamed to say big, ugly crocodile tears), I would revamp my plans and off I would go again to ensure they panned out in my favor. Yet, once again God laughed and I found myself what in my mind was back to square one.
Not being in control is something I have struggled with for years. I once believed God’s laughs broke me, however, I believe it saved me. It led me to learn how to face challenges head on, how to revamp and see through Plan B (or C or D). Though my personal plans are not unfolding like I expected, I have found to see the good in all things, to let go of the minuscule and petty issues, and to face life head on with God on my side. I am hoping that one day we will be found laughing together instead of me being his source of comic relief.
To all freshmen or anyone who is struggling with letting go and letting God: It is okay to fail. It is okay to reevaluate and revamp. It is okay to fall down as long as you immediately stand up. It is okay to let go. Our plans are not ours to make. We must listen and allow Him to guide us. Letting go will allow us to achieve the fulfilling life we all strive to achieve and live. So this semester, I am focusing on my goals, yet I will listen to God and ensure my path is the path he wants for me and if it isn’t… back to revamping it is! I will leave you with these two verses:
Psalm 46:10 “Cease striving and know that I am God.”
1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
