“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
— Bianca Sparacino

Let me start this article off by saying, I love people. When I take a Myers-Briggs personality test, I always test as an extrovert. I love deep, meaningful conversation, and I especially love it late at night when you should be doing a million other things, but you can't pull yourself away, or when you want to grab a quick cup of coffee, but you end up staying for hours until they have to ask you to leave, because you were learning too much about the people you were with and having too much fun.

But what I have learned from loving other people, is that in order to be a true friend, in the sense that I am beneficial to their growth as a person and can have real advice for them, or sometimes, to know when to be silent and sit with them, I have to learn to be alone. I have to give myself time to align my values. I give myself time to organize my schedule, to read a book, to sit at a table and write to my heart's content about everything that I'm feeling. Because once I feel filled to the brim with inspiration and love, that is when I can truly pour into my other friends.

Our society sometimes frowns on this though. I can recall numerous times I've gone to a restaurant or a coffee shop, and received strange looks when they realized that I wasn't meeting anyone, I was there for myself. But it's okay, because I know the benefit, and I know what they're missing out on.

But now I want to share this art form with you. You see, my mom has been teaching me this art of taking yourself on dates since I was in middle school. Because when the world felt like it was just too much, she reminded me that I didn't have to throw myself in the middle of it all the time. I could go away to a safe space. And my safe spaces, became my dates with myself.

I've had many friends who told me that they just can't be alone for long, that it made them too antsy or nervous, and honestly? My heart broke for them. I'm not saying that people have to do what I do. I understand that every single person's needs are different. I know that true extroverts come away from social settings more rejuvenated and that it doesn't drain them like it does me.

But to them I would say, give it a try anyway. Because even fifteen minutes a day spent alone with your thoughts, can change your perspective. I feel like, especially my generation, is so over-programmed, that we often feel like we cannot take fifteen minutes for ourselves. We think we have to fill that time either talking to someone else, or planning something, or being productive. But I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. Go to a park, or a coffee shop, or heck even the library if it is too odd to go anywhere else alone. Turn off your phone, or only use it for music. Get out a piece of paper and ask yourself how you're doing. Ask yourself where you're headed, and if you don't know, ask yourself if you're at peace with that.

We are only beneficial to people when we are truly self-aware, and when we know how we are feeling and how those feelings influence our actions. Our subconscious dictates so much more than we give it credit. It's scary sometimes to delve into ourselves, I know that. We all have our own dark places we have to face. But that's why you have those friends and people to lift you up afterwards, so that we can be truly transparent and real in our relationships.

I'm not saying self-dates are going to bring about world peace or make the world a more beautiful place drastically. However, I do believe that if we all learned to look inside ourselves, and try to improve on the dark places, and highlight our best qualities, and if we really learned to share our hearts with one another, then maybe we could understand each other a bit better. And with understanding, comes compassion, and with compassion comes peace.

That is the art of the self-date. Hope to see you at our local coffee shop sometime soon. I'll even bring you some paper and a pen, if you would like.