I used to wonder what went on inside your head.

I wondered if you cared about me like I did for you.

I used to care, once.

When things were different and when I was naive, I used to care.

You once consumed my every thought.

I used to wonder, did you think of me as often as my mind dreamt of you?

I’d wait by my phone, staring into space, hoping you’d call, hoping you’d be interested in me again.

Sometimes you called,

Other times I waited, getting excited with every flicker and with every noise my phone made.

Only to be disappointed,

Over and over again.

I used to worry, retracing conversations and movements, hoping I hadn’t said or done the wrong thing.

I used to jump from hopeful to worried and regretful within minutes.

I used to crave your attention.

I used to wish we’d bump into each other on days when I’d wear my hoop earrings.

I used to wish you’d see me and realize what you’d lost. Things would work out the way I’d always hoped.

Maybe I used to overthink.

Maybe I used to care.

I’ve realized now, those feelings have passed.

I’ve lost those fears and worries.

I’ve stopped wondering what you think of me or how things could have turned out.

You didn’t care like I did.

You didn’t want the same things I did.

Still, It was as if I held you on a pedestal.

But you weren’t as cool as I thought you were.

You weren’t the person I imagined you to be.

Maybe I used to care.

Maybe one day we can be friends.

I see now,

although once difficult to convince myself,

we are different people.

I’m not mad

or sad

or even disappointed.

I just,

don’t care.