Being raised by a single parent is never fantasized about. No one ever lays in bed at night and thinks, “Man, I really wish my family was broken.” We all long for that picture perfect life: A mom, a dad, and a dog named Max, all living in a house surrounded by a white picket fence. But for most people, this isn’t a reality. My mother has single handedly raised me since the time I was 9 years old. I was young when my parents separated, young and confused. I knew that my parents both loved me, but I felt that life had sort of twisted into this strange in-between state: in between houses, in between custody, in between sides. One day, my dad hopped on a plane and left without any notice. There were no goodbyes, and there were no I love you's. He was just…gone. I was embarrassed for people to know that I was left fatherless; it revealed I didn’t have that picture perfect life that was so feverishly sought after. But as I continually got older, I realized that “daddy issues” weren’t really issues at all. Being abandoned changed my life for the better. It taught me three very strong key values.
Independency
Parents are supposed to have this magical, unconditional love for their children. So when one of them leaves, it limits the amount of trust you're able to lend to others. If someone who has to love you can just up and leave, how can you depend on anybody to stay? The sad truth is, you can’t. My father leaving me has illuminated the necessity of independency. Relying on yourself is the best thing you can do; it leaves little room for disappointment. You know what you’re capable of more than anyone else does. Set your standards in life according to what you can do for yourself.
Self-Worth
Feeling unloved by anyone, let alone a parent, cuts deep. It has the power to make anyone feel unworthy, self-loathing even. But throughout my experiences, I’ve discovered my own true self-worth. Just because someone left my life, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve somebody to stay in it. And that goes for all of us. We were created to feel love, to feel accepted, and to feel worthy. Being abandoned doesn’t take away our right to those things.
Standards
There’s that common cliche that women always end up marrying someone like their father. As cheesy as that saying is, it’s so true! We look for qualities in a man that we’ve become accustomed to. It truly grieves me to think that so many women out there settle for a man who treats them with the same amount of disrespect as their father did. I refuse to be one of those girls; I refuse to be a cliche. I look towards my father as an example of the type of man I would never choose for myself! My husband will be there for me. He will treat me with dignity, he will honor me, and he will respect me. And I know he will be an amazing father! He will be at all of our children’s soccer games and choir performances. He’ll be there to tuck them in at night, and to scare away the monsters under the bed. Most importantly, he will stay. Always.
It’s easy for me to sit behind my computer and to tell you all how better off I am now. But in all honesty, it still hurts. And that’s OK! I learned from my pain, and I am continually strengthened by it. Don’t ever let pain tear you down. Refuse to be defeated by it! Take heart in the fact that others like myself have gone before you and fought the battles you are fighting now. Learn to rely on yourself! Believe that you are worthy to be loved, and find someone who will treat you justly! Allow yourself to grow, for there is so much to learn in life from having “daddy issues”.
