My freshman year was not at all what I thought it would be. At first, I thought this was a bad thing. College life had not lived up to my expectations and I was disappointed. But then I started to compare my expectations to the reality of it all and I reflected on what the positive outcomes of the year were. Sure, I may not have had a large group of friends. I didn’t get invited out every night and my life didn’t feel like the big sleepover party I thought it would. My expectations weren’t met because I was at the place in my life where I needed to spend time on myself. I needed to learn how to be alone.
By nature, I am a pretty extreme extrovert. For most of my life, I had depended on others to give me energy, happiness, and worth. I never had many friends growing up, but instead, a select few best friends who I would spend every moment possible with. I hated being alone because it gave me time to think and get inside my head. The moments I spent alone used to be my darkest, where my thoughts would run wild and start to tear me down.
Flash forward to freshman year of college and for the most part, I spent my time alone in my room or outside at night. I originally thought that my thoughts would just consume me. That I would spend all of this time alone and be completely miserable. But then I turned that thought around and realized that this was the perfect opportunity to improve my relationship with myself and to learn how to be okay with me.
And I did, for the most part. Some nights were hard. Those nights are the ones that go unspoken. They don’t make it into our streamlined media that tells us that college is all one big party. But as time went on, things got better. I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted. Towards the end of the year, I found people that I could connect with and I discovered what my true passions were. I changed my major and found myself finally excited for the future. And I know that none of this would have been possible without the time I spent by myself.
It’s hard to feel unwanted and unnoticed. But I needed to learn to want and notice myself before I could expect anyone else to. My time alone made me thankful for all of the amazing people in my life. I became thankful and aware of the good things that were inside of me. I finally listened to what my fears were and I listened to what was on my heart. I found a sense of purpose and a sense of self.
My freshman year may not have been what I thought it would be. It wasn’t like the movies. And it surely wasn’t like many of my other peers’. No one really talks about how hard college can be. Everyone puts up this front that makes others believe they are happy and have a million friends and have everything figured out. But everyone goes through tough times, and it’s important to know that when you are faced with yours, embrace it.
It’s okay to be alone. It’s not only okay, but also important and healthy to take time to build a better relationship with yourself. College holds 4 (or more) crucial years where you get to lay the foundation for your future. Take time to learn who you are and what your true self wants.
I’m still an extrovert. I still love spending time with other people. But I’ve been able to work through so many of the problems I was having because I learned how to be okay with being alone. Before, it was like trying to look into the mirror after taking a hot shower. But after spending some time with myself, things began to cool down. And as I wiped away the fog on the mirror, I discovered the person looking back at me. And now, I’m pretty darn happy with that person.
