If I had to sum up my year so far in two words it would be this: heartbreak and learning.

I have had to learn what heartbreak actually feels like and more importantly, I have had to learn how to heal from a heartbreak.

I've dealt with the feeling of my heart being completely ripped out and crumbled up with seemingly no hope of it ever being repaired. I've had bad luck streaks that seem to last months upon months with no signs of ever letting up. I've had the days where you simply stand in the bathroom mirror and watch the mascara run down your face, as you gasp for air, wondering how things ever got like this and wondering when it is finally going to end. But then eventually, in the midst of the heartbreak that seems to be the end of the world, you learn that maybe sometimes you don't just have a bad day, or even a bad month... sometimes you just have a bad year. And maybe that's what this year is for me. Maybe I just got stuck with a bad year. Sometimes things happen that are so far out of our control and we have no choice but to get on with things. Even on the days where just getting out of bed seems to hurt like hell, I have learned to just play the cards that I've been given.

To me, the worst part of any sort of pain and heartbreak is that sometimes it feels incurable. Sometimes it feels like you're going to have this pain with you for the rest of your life. Possibly the most important thing that I've learned about heartbreak is that it does not last forever and eventually there does come a day where you put yourself back together and are able to get on with things just like you used to. I wish that I could say that this day always happens exactly three days after you have your heart broken, but that isn't the case. Things take time to heal, and some things take far more time than others. There is no set time on how long you are allowed to feel pain for before it becomes annoying and old news. I am no longer embarrassed by the fact that, in some ways, my heart is still broken by things that some people may say I should be far over by now. But, I'm not. I'm still broken by things that have happened months ago -- things that I know that I should be over, but, I'm not. And that's okay. I'm learning to allow myself the time to heal at my own pace and learning that I deserve to let myself heal fully, no matter how much time that it may take.

I'm learning to love, learning to forgive, learning to trust, and learning to live in freedom without the constant anxiety of other's opinions about me.

I am still learning everyday. I am fully aware that I am not where I'd like to be but, God, at least I'm not where I once was.