So, I don’t live under a rock. Let’s just get that straight. I am perfectly aware that everyone and their mother knows who the Kardashians are. They are obscenely rich and glamorous celebrities who live in luxury and waist trainers. Still none of us are entirely sure why they’re still as famous as they are, but at this point is it even worth questioning?
I know we all like to roll our eyes at any discussion of the Kardashians, particularly Kim Kardashian-West (AKA the backbone of the franchise) who has more money in one perfectly arched eyebrow than any of us will ever have in this lifetime. But you can’t deny how absolutely fascinating this family is as a cultural phenomenon.
The other night while watching Kim’s snap story I was shocked to see a picture of her posing with Yoko Ono. Earlier that day in class, I had watched a video of Ono’s feminist performance art, “Cut Piece” from 1965. Now, I can’t stop thinking about what Yoko Ono thinks about Kim Kardashian-West. Why does this matter so much to me? I couldn’t tell you, but now I have to know.
I’m writing this because for the first time, I watched 5 episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and since then I can’t stop thinking about all the absurd things I have witnessed. I also feel like I’ve learned so much.
1. If I ever spoke to my mother the way the Kardashians speak to Kris I would not survive the engagement.
Every episode I am shocked and appalled by how someone could be so blatantly disrespectful and rude to their mother. I can’t even fathom speaking to my mom that way.
2. Rich people are wasteful.
They just spend their money on the most useless stuff. I consider any house with more than one bathroom a mansion, so you can imagine what I think of an 8 bathroom home.
3. Rich people are bored.
Half the shenanigans they get into result mostly because they are just so bored. That has to be the reason. What else do they have to worry about besides who their brother is marrying or where they go on vacation? Remember the episode where Kim tricked her family into thinking they ate her placenta? Or the episode where Scott prank called Kris because apparently that was funny? Who even likes Scott? Nobody, that’s who.
4. Reality with the Kardashians is vastly different than ours.
I don’t want to draw an Us/Them binary here, but there is definitely a Kardashian/Real World rift that I don’t think can be repaired. After every glamorous/tropical/expensive vacation this family takes, they all say some variation of the same thing: “Back to reality!” What is reality for you? Is this world of riches not already your reality? You were literally the Kardashians in Vale, and you are still the Kardashians when you left. You still have more money and fame than God. So here’s what I’m saying: the Kardashians literally have no concept of reality. It is so interesting to watch them try to navigate the world while being encased in a very expensive bubble, a bubble that they never have to worry about bursting because they will always have the money to replace it with something shinier.
5. Kardashians as Performance Art
The Kardashian family will literally always be famous and iconic just because people continue to write about the ridiculous things they do. They are somehow always relevant and yet not relevant at the same time. As ridiculous as they are, they are truly a cultural phenomenon. And really, the most interesting thing about the Kardashians isn’t who they marry or what their wearing—it’s that they are constantly performing. From the show, to the paparazzi, to random strangers on the street, they perform their life to a camera for the purpose of having viewers consume it. They are never without an audience. They perform many different characters: whether it be the Celebrity, the Mother, the Sex Icon, and so on, each of them are acutely aware not only of their place in popular culture, but also of how intimate and uncomfortably public their lives are and continue to be. They have adapted to the performance and I don’t think they’re calling curtains anytime soon.
