There are many things you learn throughout your life, how to read, write, ride a bike; but there’s no lesson on grief. No one teaches you about what grieving is or how to grieve properly. In 2011 I lost my little brother, suddenly and unannounced. Five years later I have learned many things through grieving.

I'll never understand- from the night I found out you weren’t here any longer, I questioned and asked why? Why you? An outgoing, caring, lovable human lost to a senseless act. Five years later I still find myself asking the same question. I learned throughout the years that I would never understand. I will never understand why it had to be you and that’s okay.

It’s okay to move on- I was scared. Scared to move on with my life without you. I was scared to forget your laugh or the way your hair curled uncontrollably. I wished to stay in the moment because the thought of forgetting you killed me. I learned that it is okay to move on without you. I didn’t have to live life how it was when you were still here just to preserve your memory. I realized that it wouldn’t bring you back to me.

I am thankful- I am thankful for the time I did have with you. Although I wish everyday I could have just one more second with you I am thankful. Thankful for all the memories made, the laughs created, and the love shared. I am thankful to have had a best friend like you in my life. Thank you.

Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind. I miss you with every passing day. Until I see you again, my sweet brother.