I Hated Cliques, Until I Was In One — And Getting Kicked Out Was The Best Thing That Happened To Me

I Hated Cliques, Until I Was In One — And Getting Kicked Out Was The Best Thing That Happened To Me

Who had I become? A totally vain, totally codependent bitch.

As a 12-year-old girl, I learned the term “clique.”

This term manifested itself as the four girls in my 32-person sixth-grade class, who were the self-proclaimed “most popular” girls in our grade. The sad thing is that, due to their better-than-thou attitude and matching Juicy Couture velour hoodies, we believed they were actually better than all of us. More popular. Prettier. Funnier. Better liked.

For further clarification, even a basic definition of “clique” goes as follows: “A small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.”

“Who do not readily allow others to join them.”

This chunk of the definition is wherein the crime of the clique lies: the exclusivity. The fact of the matter is that while being in a clique makes you feel powerful and valuable for those who don’t get the invitation, it sucks.

I remember my tween-self feeling so utterly sub-par, simply due to my lack of friendship with these other just-as-awkward tween girls. It’s ridiculous really, but it’s human nature to want to feel part of something greater, and jealousy is inevitable.

Promising myself I would never fall fate to the forbidden clique, I entered high school and found myself at the center of one. A member of a clique. A slap in the face to my former, unpopular self, if I’ve ever seen one.

But let me tell you, it felt great. I finally understood where these girls were getting their haughtiness from, it really was, like, tooootally empowering. I always had a group, a cluster of people to sit with who, not surprisingly, shared all my same sentiments. Slumber parties every weekend and we were, obviously, a package deal.

Who had I become? A totally vain, totally codependent bitch.

It bit me in the ass more times than I’d like to admit, friends turning on me at the drop of a hat, kicking me out of the group, having to start from square one, and vice versa.

Not much time passed before the wake-up call I needed: my dearest, clearly "most loyal," friends dumped me like an overread Seventeen Magazine. With the snap of their fingers, the blink of an eye.

My exile was arguably one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Some petty Instagram captions and a few stabs in the back later, the dust had finally settled and I was left, I would soon find, with the actual best friends I could ever ask for. Sappy, I know.

It came slowly at first, but I realized that not being in a clique actually gave me a much larger group of friends and added some diversity to my life. One of my best friends was on speech and debate, the other was on the soccer team with me, another was a year below me, one who was a year above me played volleyball; you get the picture.

Once again promising myself I would never fall fate to the forbidden clique, I entered college, but this time I actually succeeded.

I have my best friends, I have my acquaintances, yet I couldn’t list a specific group of people I would dub “my clique.” Some of my best friends barely know each other and it’s honestly great. My world is dynamic, I never feel stuck and never lack a new opportunity, simply because I chose to not placate myself with a narrow-minded group of people.

If you’re going to take anything from this article take this:

It’s totally fine to have a group of friends you love better than the rest. Yet, remember that it’s OK to have other friends, regardless of how far removed they are from the rest of your friends. Being cliquey is closing yourself off from a whole other world, and you’ll never know what you’ve been missing.

Cover Image Credit: Isabelle Roshko

Popular Right Now

11 Ways You Found The Cristina To Your Meredith

"We're friends, real friends, and that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back, I'll still be here."

The term "my person" describes the relationship between two people who have reached the highest level of friendship. They're people who have ridden the roller coaster of life together for so long that their lives would be boring without each other. In "Grey's Anatomy," the characters of Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang describe each other as each other's "person." They have a perfect friendship. Everyone (including myself) strives to achieve a friendship like theirs. What is it like to have "your person?"

1. Your person will tell it like it is.

If you think that your new haircut looks bad or if that dress makes you look fat, your person is always there to reassure you that nobody cares.

2. Your person is always on your team.

Whether it's an argument between you and your parents or you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, your person will always be there. They will go to bat for you 10/10 times and they will always be there to have your back.

3. Your person will celebrate the small victories with you.

Did you go an entire day without crying? Awesome, let's celebrate! Did you eat something other than chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? That's wonderful! The small victories count the most.

4. They will listen to you, even when you are ranting about the craziest things.

Let's face it, we have all been there. When it's late at night and we're laying in bed, thinking of the world's hardest questions, and you start to think about crazy scenarios, your person is always there to listen.

5. People instantly think that you and your person are a couple.

You aren't a couple, you just understand each other on a much higher level, so people think that you guys are in a relationship. Just go with it.

6. Your person isn't afraid to tell you that they are embarrassed by you.

Everyone gets embarrassed about each other at one point or another. Most people just pretend that it doesn't happen. Your person is going to flat out tell you that your actions and the things that you say embarrass the crap out of them.

7. Your person isn't afraid to knock you down a few notches.

Just when you think that you are on top of the world, your person will come and pop the growing balloon known as your head. They aren't afraid to snap you back into reality.

8. They will build you up faster than they will tear you down.

Yes, they will bring you back to reality and tell you like it is, but they will also be the first one to encourage you and to tell you how wonderful you are.

9. Your person is not afraid to call your bluff.

They will call you out on your BS and make you tell them how you really feel, so they can help fix you.

10. You stick together no matter what.

Even though you get mad at each other, or don't speak for a few days, you will always stick together.

11. In the end, no matter what, no matter who comes in and out of your life, your person will always be your person.

Your person is there no matter what. They care when no one else does and they are always there to hold your hand.

Find your person and never let them go. They are your best friend, your worst enemy, and your biggest critic, but they know you better than you know yourself sometimes.

As for my "person," you know who you are. I love you and couldn't do life without you.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To My Best Friend At A Rival University

No amount of school rivalry could ever change our friendship.


In high school, we were practically inseparable- you and I and all of our friends. Even though we saw each other every day during the week (when both of us decided to actually go to school, at least; senioritis was real and it was rough), we usually saw each other at least once over the weekend, whether it be a coffee date at Starbucks, a sleepover, or a trip to the movies.

We would go on spontaneous trips to the local ice cream shop (for us, it was Twistee Treat) far too often for our own good. We spent so many summer days at theme parks, followed by sleepovers that consisted of painting each other's nails, baking break-and-bake cookies, and falling asleep in the middle of 'Men in Black.'

Now, we attend rival universities. The stories we share involve names and places foreign to the other. We each have friends that know us apart from one another. Some days, we hardly get a moment to talk, other than sending funny memes back and forth through Instagram.

Though it may seem like being away at rival schools would hurt our friendship, I think it's only made us closer.

When I come to visit you (or you visit me), we always make the most of our time, knowing that it's limited. We often do the same things we would've done at home, but in new locations, which makes it even more fun. Sometimes, I wish we would've chosen the same school- because having your best friend with you, sharing new experiences is always better than not- but I know we're each happy where we are. We're making new friends and new memories, which makes for new stories to share with one another.

I know that I can share anything with you without fear of judgment, and I think you know the same.

Even though we can't just stop by unannounced anymore, planning weekend trips to visit one another is still really fun.

Sure, we go to rival universities and we will never agree on whose school is superior, but in the grand scheme, it doesn't even matter. Your school is extremely lucky to have you and in my eyes, you are what makes it great.

No matter the distance, no matter how strong the rivalry between our schools, you will always be my best friend and the memories we've cultivated throughout our friendship will never be forgotten. I can't promise I'll wear your school colors again (that was a one-time thing and does not diminish my love and respect for my school!), but I can promise that you'll always have a friend in me.

Related Content

Facebook Comments