"There is no death, only a change in worlds" — Chief Seattle
On April 7th, I watched my boyfriend wake up early, put on his best jeans and style his hair. If you ever knew him, you would know this isn't his usual routine. His usual go-to are some baggy UW sweats and a hoodie, but this was a different day. It was a special day, especially for him. We were headed to celebrate his fathers birthday.
As we drove, I could see the anxiousness in his face; he hadn't seen his dad since last year, and this was important to him. My boyfriend is a strong soul, and he has never really admitted to his grievance, so I held his hand, hoping to transfer him every ounce of support I had in my body to his. Driving up to the field, we got out of the car, and I held his hand as he led me to the grave of a man who lived a life that impacted the lives of so many others.
As I stood in front of this slab of rock embedded into the earth, I see this beautifully inscribed grave, with a name that will never be forgotten, and a slash between two dates. That slash represented a life well lived of a man who worked hard for his family and everything he had.
I look up at my boyfriend, tears welling in my eyes as he says, "Happy birthday, dad. I miss you and love you so much every day. I wish you were here". He calls his mom, a woman who never let the loss of her husband weaken her, and they share in a moment of remembrance of him. He knelt down, brushing the debris off of the headstone, and reminisced.
I am in love with a man who lost his father at a young age, and I've learned a lot because of it.
As he has taken me into his heart, he has taught me about death and how to deal with the grievance. Although I have never experienced a death of a parent, and I am 100% not ready for that day to come, my boyfriend has taught me life-lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime.
There is no definite time stamp on grieving a loss.
Everyone expects after a certain amount of time, the pain just wears away. WRONG. You're losing a loved one- whether it be a father, brother, son, husband, a friend. Grievance has no time limit because pain isn't a process - it's an experience. I've learned not to judge when I think someone should end their grievance, but instead listen and provide empathy to their loss.
Their bonds with family and friends grow stronger.
I will be the first one to admit that it is hard for me to show affection, especially to family. Because of this, it was a culture shock to see so much love and closeness. The past year of being with my boyfriend, I have learned how easy it is to lose a loved one and to cherish the times with your family. He helped me realize how important it is to show love, for time isn't always promised.
His mother taught me not to fear death, but to embrace it.
Death was one of my top-five worst fears, and since becoming close with my boyfriend and his family, my perception has drastically changed. His mother is a strong, fierce woman, and her deal of cards have been tainted with death and loss of not just her husband, but her family. You would think she would be scared to death, but she willfully embraces it. She is the ultimate warrior; fighting for her family, despite losing her partner in the midst. She raised two incredible children on her own, and I respect her. Her belief that "home" is in the afterlife gives me hope for a more beautiful outcome; that death is the start of a new beginning. And let's face it; everyone wishes for a new beginning.
You learn to look in the windshield and not the rearview mirror.
This is my boyfriend's mantra: he always looks to the present and the future, and never dwells on the past. I admire this because I get caught up in the past so much, and he teaches me not to live my life there. Even though he has every right to sulk in the past, he chooses not to; he brings his memories along with every step he takes. He taught me that life is a journey, and you shouldn't live life fixating on the past.
And most of all...
At the end of the day, my boyfriend taught me that love is everlasting.
Every day when he leaves, he makes sure to tell his family and I that he loves us, in case something unexpected happens, nothing is left unsaid. Regardless of death or tragedy, nothing takes away his love, and I take that to heart.
To my boyfriend, I love you so much for teaching me how to love someone who has lost a parent.
It is no lie that he is looking after you, and is so proud of you and the man you became, and he should be. You are a strong, caring man who brings light to all of us, even in times of darkness and despair. You are a remarkable man, and so was he. Although I never got the chance to meet him, I've heard he was also a light in a sea of darkness.
So April 7th, a day of celebration on Jeff Larson's birthday, I had a realization that death isn't the end of you. Sure, your body rots and you no longer physically live on earth, but your soul and legacy lives on. He impacted and changed the lives of so many people, and he left this world with a whole lot of love. I realized, even in the afterlife, that love conquers all, even in the death of a loved one. And in that case, he isn't even dead at all.
He's alive in the hearts and souls of all who loved him.
In loving memory of Jeffery Scott Larson
April 7th, 1961-June 20th, 2009
Beloved father, husband, son, brother, and friend.
You are missed.
