Surprisingly I never really expected God to bring me into the current relationship I am in now, nor did I expect to learn valuable lessons from it. Often times I hear negative things from others about long-distance relationships and how they "never work out." I have actually had quite a few people respond to me with, “Oh wow. I don’t know how you do it.” Well, let me explain it a little bit to clear up how I do it.
Quite frankly, long-distance relationships are hard and it takes a lot of investment, commitment and dedication to be in one. It isn’t easy and at times it can take a toll on you, but truthfully at the end of the day there is no one else I would rather miss and say goodnight to than him. If you are someone who doesn’t see it going long-term with someone or do not see yourself fulfilling your task as a significant other, I don’t recommend it. Don’t waste their time and energy in trying to pursue you.
There are several things that God has begun to show me through my relationship like how to maintain consistency, to be respectful even when I do not agree, to trust... The list goes on. Although it is an ongoing process and we may be miles apart, I constantly learning about our relationship, God, and how to love.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”
-- Proverbs 3:5-8
Long-distance relationships can really hurt at times simply because your significant other is so far away and you really just want them to be there with you. It has taught me to ultimately lean on God when it hurts the most. I mean really, being in a long-distance relationship creates a whole new meaning of what missing someone means and feels like. You begin to identify new emotions you have never felt before. You seriously form an understanding of what missing someone intimately feels like and the pain is so crucial that it seems unbearable.
As hard as it is to admit, at times, I want to seriously cry myself to sleep because I can’t hug, kiss, or just be with him after a really hard day. The heartbreak impacts your train of thought, mood, and is immensely irritating. Can I be honest? I even get so frustrated to the point that I grow envious of the couples around me that are happy with their significant other. The absence of my lover causes so much distress -- but it reminds me to trust that God’s plan is the best and I cannot lean on those thoughts. This verse eases my anxiousness and helps me remember to acknowledge God for help during these times.
“If you listen to advice and are willing to learn, one day you will be wise.”
-- Proverbs 19:20
I am a firm believer that a relationship is absolutely nothing without communication. The consistency of working on communication is vital for a relationship to work. In my relationship, we have to make sure that 2, 580 miles doesn’t get in the way and that we both make the effort to take time for each other. I have learned how in a long-distance relationship not only you need to keep in contact throughout the day or week, but also you need to be able to talk about topics that matter.
When things get challenging and you aren’t on very good terms, you need to be able to communicate with one another and resolve issues effectively together. You are not always right -- sorry to break it to you -- but you have to be able to openly admit to that and listen to one another. Relationships are not perfect because we are imperfect beings and we are going to have ups and downs and argue, we just have to face it. Communicating with one another through those times is important to have in a long-distance relationship because it is an important key element for a relationship to work.
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,”
-- Philippians 1:3
Always, always, always appreciate your significant other when you are with them or when you are far apart. Be thankful for them through the good and the bad times. Seriously. At least just try to look at both and how that balance is for the greater good. I have to admit that being with my significant other is something that I cherish and look forward to. It is by far one of the best feelings in this world to jump into the arms of the one I have missed so much.
God has blessed me with someone loves me despite my flaws, bad hair days, and when I am way too sensitive when he is just joking. I have had to sit down and recognize that I need to acknowledge God and thank Him for this person. I have had the opportunity in finding someone who makes my heart skip a beat, fills my stomach with butterflies, goes out of his way to plan a trip for me, and makes me grin from ear to ear as his face appears for our FaceTime date. How lucky am I to experience such a heartwarming love? I need to thank God for him, pray for him, and be there for him when he needs someone the most -- even when I am upset or angry at him for something he said that he never meant. Another thing I would like to add is that having a thankful heart for good and the bad times truly teaches you to put things into perspective.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
-- Isaiah 41:10
Personally, I had to learn how to trust my significant other. Not because he did anything to not earn my trust but I was always on edge because of my past relationships. It took some time to learn that my significant other wouldn't do anything to hurt me and as I began to take that in slowly and saw his actions, that trust was formed. Sometimes it takes the right person who cares enough to show you to break that.
Being in a long-distance relationship takes a lot of effort to make it work because you are so far out of reach, but this really is when trust comes intervenes in the relationship. In order for a long-distance relationship to work you have to be able to trust one another. Looking back now, I understand how it is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is always worrying about what you are doing, who you are with, etc. Being able to freely trust someone no matter what eases your thoughts and honestly creates joy inside to know you have someone who cares enough about you that no one on earth can compare. It is a beautiful thing to trust someone and to ultimately experience the feeling of unraveling those fears that were weighing me down for years and tearing down a wall that no one could dare break through. God is still strengthening me and helped me cast out those fears and worries. I have to continue to ask God to be in this and help me to remain strong as time progresses so our relationship blossoms.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
-- Ephesians 4:32
Well, it really sucks, but we are not perfect beings. It hurts deeply to know that we are in the wrong for something but honestly there is something magnificently beautiful about truly humbling yourself and admitting to your wrongdoing. I have learned so much that forgiving one another for our bad attitudes or things we said out of anger is a result to learning about how imperfect we really are, yet still love each other regardless of our faults. Isn’t it so cool how the good can outweigh the bad?
Yes, I agree that it is hard to be kind to one another after you’ve both had an attitude towards one another or said something you can’t take back. Although, it is important to practice to be kind to one another even when we mess up or even when you aren’t the one in the wrong. Showing one another that you care enough to forgive after a bad episode of disagreements is a terrific way to improve your relationship skills. In an long-distance relationship, you can’t just see that person and hug it out and cry on their shoulder and make everything better.
Those exasperating times of trouble come along and teach you how you have to communicate with one another to resolve the hardships, which is why putting kindness and forgiveness into practice is something to keep in mind. A long-distance relationship is not a one-way street. It takes two people to acknowledge that you both need this in return and have to keep each other’s perspective in mind. Being in a long-distance relationship causes you to stop and think about the other person. It’s not a bad thing -- just something that begins to come natural, as it should for any serious relationship.
To be honest, being in a long-distance relationship isn't too different other than the fact that distance is involved. It makes you stop and ponder on the things that make a relationship work and how to do it together efficiently. It is for two people who will do whatever it takes to make things work out. It isn't easy by any means but the lessons that it teaches you are valuable and when you see that person you love and have missed so much, all the hardships and lonely nights are beyond worth it.
