We are deep into summer now that July is here. Summer is a season of love, whether it is a hook up, fling, or a serious relationship. But what do you do if your summer romance actually turns into the real deal? It isn’t too big of a concern if you and your significant other are going to the same university, but what happens if you have to deal with long distance?
Credibility
Before you start reading, I will let you know that I went through a long distance relationship not too long ago. My boyfriend and I started dating last July and he is a year above me. We had approximately a month together before he left for college and saying goodbye to him was one of the harder things I’ve had to do. We made the distance thing work by Skyping and visiting one another. Occasionally we would send each other things like flowers or cookies from Insomnia. Long distance for us was manageable. We knew we only had to deal with it for a year and we both knew it was worth it. It wasn’t awful because we were realistic about the situation and we ended up growing a lot stronger from the experience.
Blessing or a Curse
The thing about distance relationships is that they are a blessing and/or a curse. The blessing is that the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” holds a lot of truth during the time you are separated from one another. Not being around them makes you realize all of the wonderful things you might take for granted when you are with your significant other 24/7. Some people only view LDR as a curse and avoid them completely. Just the mere thought of being 15 minutes away from their SO is enough for them to wither, so it all depends on your personality.
Foundations
As with all relationships, distance relationships can be worth it or a really bad idea. The main trend I have realized was the success rate directly depended on the foundation of the relationship. Couples who were together before and were each other's best friends managed the distance thing without a problem. Others who had weaker foundations established before ultimately crumbled from the distance. As for the rest they don’t get to build a foundation at all due to multiple obstacles distance created for them; it was like building a house on a sink hole.
Trust & Communication
Trust also happened to be directly related to the success of a LDR. If at least one of the two people in the relationship had any shadow of a doubt about the other person cheating or any other “mistrust,” distance was a bad idea. Not everyone is going to cheat on their significant other while they are away. Don't assume that once they hit college that they will try to get with every person on campus. Does it happen - yes. Does it happen with everyone - no. Communication is SO important! Talking about what you're insecurities are with your boyfriend/girlfriend will make both of your lives so much easier and your relationship stronger. Being on the same page makes all the difference.
Romanticist vs. Realist
If you are a romanticist with relationships, LDR are bound to be a failure for you. I am not saying if you are romantic but if you are a romanticist. If one approaches distance with an “us against the world” mentality, you are going to miss out on a lot. You can’t go through thinking that this relationship needs to work - if it fails, it fails. If two people can’t make the distance work without copious amounts of effort, then you should never be in that relationship (early red flag). Being a romanticist is a difficult thing, it forces you to focus on the distance. It blinds you from the red flags because you start to blame them on distance.
On the other hand, one cannot be a cynic either. If you walk around thinking it’s going to fail, it will. You have to be a hard realist. You approach the distance aspect for what it is. It resides in the back of your mind, but you don’t pretend to ignore it. You do things to compensate, and you take advantage of the benefits of distance. However, you recognize that distance isn’t an ideal situation but it’s reality now. You have to suck it up sometimes, take a look at reality head on, and love the person like hell.
Look on the Bright Side
As I said earlier, not everything is awful with distance relationships. It's quite nice to be able to look forward to visiting and seeing what goes on in their life there and vice versa. Skyping becomes your best friend and helps tremendously. Phone calls are much more appreciated than texting because sometimes all you need is to hear their voice. Not everything is going to be a walk in the park but you can make the best of the situation.
All Things Considered
- Communication is so important
- Enjoy the time that you have together
- Be honest with yourself and your partner
- Be realistic - you are in a relationship but don’t over-romanticize things or it will get really messy.
- Build a strong foundation for your relationship. You wouldn’t build a vacation home in Florida out of sticks when it is supposed to survive hurricane season, so why would you build your relationship out of sticks when it is supposed to make it through the bumps in the road of your relationship?
