It's that time of year...fall semester grades are out, you are wondering whether law school was the right choice for you, and you are also wondering what you are doing here. Truth be told, you might even be feeling a bit like a fraud. Whether you are in your first year of law school or your last, just know that no law student (yes, not even the student at the very top of your class) is immune to thoughts of inadequacy; yet, you might have noticed that we are all walking around pretending that everything is under control. Well, I am here to tell you that appearances can be deceiving, especially in law school.
The student who is at the top of your class? She is pretending everything is great, but she is lonely, because everyone is either envying her or ignoring her.
The student who is at the bottom of your class? He is pretending it does not matter, but he worked so hard to get into law school, and now everything (including himself) seems worthless.
The student who is always the first one to answer a professor's question? She is pretending she is full of confidence, but she feels insecure and is seeking validation.
The student who is always quiet? He is pretending he doesn't know the answer, but his learning style simply requires more reflection than participation in class discussion.
The student who says everything is fine? She is pretending everything is under control, but she is having mental/emotional breakdowns almost every day.
The student who voices a few concerns about the semester being stressful? He is pretending to be nonchalant, but he has been wanting to talk about this to someone for weeks.
The student who is always organized? She is pretending it just helps her study better, but she is clinging to organizing binders and notes to avoid facing an area in her life that is falling apart.
The student who is always unorganized? He is pretending that this is just his style, but he is spending all of his time trying to deal with a family crisis or a health condition.
Most of us wouldn't know any of this because no one talks about his/her struggles in law school. I am not saying that we are all harboring huge secrets, but I am saying that it seems as if everyone has adopted a certain characteristic and only lets that part of his/her self show. It seems as if we are all becoming one-dimensional. Yet, maybe if we all stopped pretending for a second, we would realize that we are not in this alone. No, we are not the only ones struggling. No, we are not frauds: we deserve to be here. And we deserve to be understood by our friends. We deserve to foster meaningful friendships by sharing our thoughts without fearing that we will be judged or that we will seem weak. No one has everything under control, and the sooner we realize that, the easier it will be to let go of the fear of being weak and/or inadequate.
We are all so mature in so many other ways (see: paying our own bills, signing promissory notes for loans with so many zeros that our heads are spinning, working while also taking on a full load of law classes...and the list goes on), yet we are becoming less and less emotionally mature. Instead of growing emotionally, we are regressing. But at what cost? How will we be able to relate with our clients in the future if we cannot even drop our facade long enough to relate to each other in school? Maybe, just maybe, it is time to stop pretending and start connecting. I have a feeling that by doing so, our time in law school will become more enjoyable and a lot less lonely.
