When you died almost three years ago, I always stated, "he won't be here to watch me graduate." That was way back, and I never thought the time would come so soon.
It's hard... a father should be here to watch his little girl finish high school. I can personally say I'm still grieving, and I'm still angry and bitter about your death. A girl should have her father with her to complete all her milestones.
Well, I graduated high school last week and you were not here.
I spent the past 10 years with my father sending me off to my first day of school and 10 years of him picking me up from my last day of school. So many mixed emotions about you not being here for graduation.
While everyone in the family came to see it, I wish you were there to see it.
I think very often about what more you could've taught me if you were still here. So many lessons I could've learned. I think about how much more I could've listened when you spoke when I was younger.
I just never knew that those words were so precious, I was too young to know that. But, sometimes, when I really think, I can imagine what you would say to me.
You would say you are happy for me. You are proud of the person I've become, at least I hope you are. All I want is to be as much like you as I can because even if I can be a small amount as amazing as you were, I would be an amazing person. That's how amazing you were.
You left such an impact on my life and the lives of many others.
To my loved one in heaven, I wish you were here still. I miss you more than words could ever describe. Every single day of every single moment it hurts without you here with me. Sometimes, it's almost crazy how sad and broken my heart feels missing you.
While the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, I'm happy that high school is officially over.
As this bittersweet chapter of my life comes to a close, the only thing consuming my thoughts is knowing that you were not there to hug me and say congratulations as I received my diploma. It absolutely kills me inside knowing that no matter how much I cry you aren't coming back.
The worst part is that there's not a thing I can do to change that.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you at the end of this journey with me. But, in my heart I know you were there every step of the way, placing your hands on me and guiding me through this thing called life. You have left me in great hands with everyone else who is still here in the family.
I love you a ton, Dad, and I know you will be there with open arms when we meet again. Thank you for always believing in me and always inspiring me to do everything to the best of my ability.
Hopefully, I will make you proud throughout my college years and further in life.
Love you lots, Daddy