"Damn it, how will I ever get out of this Labyrinth!" - Simon Bolivar's last words

I always wondered about life after death. Where does one go? Is religion just something that we're taught to prevent fear of the unknown, of the blackness that would take over our minds? Are people going to remember us? There's something so profound about not existing, not living. This is for the people who attempted to or did take it upon themselves to find these answers.

I once watched a fictional documentary that left me in a cloud of thoughts. The film was set in a modern-day high school with a group of "popular" girls and the rest of the school population. The leader of this group, named Avery, harassed a classmate she used to be close friends with, named Jessica. As life went on and the girls got older, they grew apart and Avery turned on Jessica. Such bullying included shoving in the halls, nasty text messages, verbal rages, and online outbursts. Jessica felt that there was no escape and this pushed her to her breaking point, as she decided to take a whole bottle of Hydrocodone pills, which is a narcotic. She was taken to the hospital where she was in a coma in the ICU. The rest of the film goes to show Avery's "Popular Girl Perspective," and how Jessica's choice affected her family and best friend, Brian.

I, myself, struggled in my early years of high school and had my own bully. I was sent death threats, shoved into walls and lockers, and was cyber-bullied all at once. There was no safe place for me, as I was afraid to go to school and dance class. For me, like Jessica, I felt there was no way out. I was so tired, but couldn't sleep. Everything was coming down around me and I couldn't breathe. This was around the time that my self-confidence took a dive straight into the ground. I began to make choices that severely damaged my self-esteem. I began to lose interest in the things I loved. My grades fell tremendously. I began to turn into a skeleton; no soul, no life. Just flesh and bone. There came a time where I made a particularly bad choice, one that everyone finds out about and watches you as you walk down the hallway. A choice that makes people whisper but drown it to a hush when you walk by. That fatal photo that showed everything except your dignity. Yes. I had done it. I had given my bully the tools to destroy me. Things got a lot worse. I cried almost all of my life, it seemed. I didn't talk to anyone out of pure embarrassment and shame. I had no one, or so it seemed. I would even look at the knives on the counter and wonder which way I had to cut that would seal that deal. I would take baths and wonder how long I would have to stay under water until I became a fish in the sea of Heaven. I couldn't take the pain anymore and the thought of living in misery.

One moment I remember very specifically changed how I felt about everything. I was lying down for bed one night, and my mother had come in to sit on my bed. She said, "Braedyn, I need to ask you something." I looked at her and could see the pain in her eyes from all that she has been through with me. "What?" I asked. "Are you going to hurt yourself?" Though I was caught off guard, this question made me think. I looked at my own mother and for the first time in my life, I had never seen that woman want me to answer "no" so badly in my whole life. That moment changed my whole view. If I were to take my own death upon myself, I would hurt so many other people. My pain would have been way less than the pain of grief. Contrary to my belief, people did love me and I was not as hard to love as I thought I was. This revelation was the turning point to my own recovery.

I began to go through counseling and was able to talk about my experience. Overall, it has changed who I am today and made me an incredibly strong person. I have a whole new perspective on life itself and my purpose here on Earth. God had wanted me here to make a difference in peoples' lives. This isn't something that almost destroyed me. This experience is just another major building block to my life. I have grown and learned so much, one of those lessons being that suicide is never the answer.

If anyone is out there reading, feeling hopeless and close to giving up: Don't. Think about how you're going to miss the smell of your dad's cologne on your shirt after he gives you a hug every morning. Think about your mom's soft hand caressing your back when you don't feel good. Think about that joke that your sister cracked a few nights ago that sent the whole family into a fit of laughter. Think about the wet and sloppy kisses you receive from that adorable Golden Retriever named Buster when you return home from school. Think about why you were born in the first place and all of the happy memories. God chose you to make a difference on this earth. So make it. I want you to know that you are not alone.

So how do you get out of this Labyrinth of suffering? You live life to your maximum capacity, never look back and convert it to the Labyrinth of HOPE.

"Pain is real but so is hope."

National Suicide Prevention Hotline- 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7)