12 Kitchen Appliances I'd Rather Date Than You
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

12 Kitchen Appliances I'd Rather Date Than You

Because pansexuality means I date pots and pans, right?

12 Kitchen Appliances I'd Rather Date Than You

I identify as pansexual, and because of this, I'm often questioned whether or not I'm attracted to kitchen appliances. Which... what?

Here's a little definition for you:

  1. not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.

Does this make a little more sense? The prefix "pan" means "all" in Greek. So, instead of "pan" as in "pots and pans," "pan" means that I can fall in love with someone and want to have sex with them regardless of what's between their legs. Basically, hearts not parts.

But for the people who still insist that I'd rather be dating my blender than you, here's a list of beautiful kitchen appliances that I would rather buy than have sex with you.

1. NUTID's stainless steel double oven.

This is just gorgeous. It's also from IKEA. So, that makes it 100 times sexier. Buy it here.

2. FRAMTID's stainless steel 5 burner gas cooktop

DO YOU SEE THIS? I could roast marshmallows on that gas. Buy it here.

3. NUTID's black 4 element induction cooktop

It's so pretty. Buy it here.

4. BETRODD's stainless steel microwave oven with extractor fan

It can sit right above your stovetop! *heart eyed emoji* Buy it here.

5. NUTID's stainless steel French door refrigerator

It has a water dispenser and everything. Buy it here.

6. RENLIG's stainless steel built-in dishwasher

It's just... so sleek. Buy it here.

7. GE's stainless steel 57-bottle wine cooler

Because you need to have 57 bottles of wine at one time. It's a necessity. Buy it here.

8. BLACK+DECKER's spacemaker black glass carafe coffee maker

It can rest right along side your beautiful microwave from up above (see number 4). Buy it here.

9. DeLonghi's 15-bar pump espresso maker with automatic cappuccino system

You can never have too much coffee. Or caffeine. Buy it here.

10. SodaStream's source home soda maker starter kit

I would save hella money on soda. Buy it here.

11. SPT's 3.2L stainless steel hot water dispenser with multi-temp feature

Perfect for the pansexual Teavana addicts who are afraid to burn their tea with water that's too hot. This kettle will steal your heart. Buy it here.

12. Ninja's 48oz. pulse blender

Blenders are one million times sexier than any partner I've ever dated. Buy it here.

There are more top-of-the-line appliances that I would rather buy than sleep with you, but it took everything in me to narrow it down to this beautiful dozen. But that's because I'm attracted to them, right? So it makes it hard to choose... I mean, this blender would probably be a better partner than you, so why not give it a go? Doubt it'll force me into unwanted sexual contact, because straight men, the ones who insist I'm sleeping in with my oven, are more likely to initiate anything than an inanimate object. But who am I to say that? Apparently I'm sleeping with them all.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Panic! At The Disco Announces Breakup After 19 Years

Band Makes Breakup Announcement Official: 'Will Be No More'

panic at the disco

It's the end of an era. Originally formed in 2004 by friends in Las Vegas, Panic! At The Disco is no more.

Brendon Urie announced on Instagram that the band will be coming to an end after the upcoming Europe tour. He said that he and his wife are expecting a baby, and the life change weighed heavily in his mind to come to this decision. "Sometimes a journey must end for a new one to begin," he said.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Odyssey's response writer community is growing- read what our new writers have to say!


Each week, more response writers are joining the Odyssey community. We're excited to spotlight their voices on as they engage in constructive dialogue with our community. Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading... Show less

To Mom

There are days when you just need your mom

To Mom

There really is no way to prepare yourself for the loss of someone. Imagine that someone being the one who carried you for 9th months in their belly, taught you how to walk, fought with you about little things that only a mother and daughter relationship could understand. You can have a countless number of father figures in your life, but really as my mom always said, " you only get one mom."

Keep Reading... Show less

The Way People In Society are Dating is Why I Don't Date

I need someone to show that they want me for me, not that they're using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship.

The Way People In Society are Dating is Why I Don't Date

You hear your phone go off. He's asking you to hang out. Then, of course, you get the advice of your friends to decipher this text. Is it just hanging out or is it more than hanging out? You've probably done this at least once in your life or at least seen a tweet where someone posted their screenshots with a potential love interest.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

Winter Break As Told By 'Friends'

Is a month at home too much to handle?


If you're anything like me, winter break is a much-needed light at the end of the tunnel after a long, stressful semester. Working hard for 15 weeks can really take a toll on a person mentally, physically AND emotionally. It's a nice change of pace to be back at home with your family and friends, but after a couple weeks, it can get, well... boring.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments