Kindness is one of the most important qualities humans can have. Sadly, it is not talked about enough. Too often is kindness interpreted as a form of weakness, but in reality, kindness is a form of strength. What exactly is this strength that comes with being kind? Is it the strength to be patient? The strength to be wise? I am a hardheaded and enthusiastic youth. I value being kind, but I don’t always know what that means with my extremely honest and passionate personality. How does one practice kindness?

First, let’s talk about the importance of kindness. In one of my favorite shows Derek, Derek accidentally breaks something and immediately beats himself up for his mistake. His friend sees him and gives him the advice of a lifetime, “Kindness is magic, Derek. It’s more important to be kind than clever or good-looking.” Derek, who understands that he is neither clever nor good-looking calms down and is no longer angry with himself. He understands that he is not the best in many areas, but what is the most important is to be kind. In this moment, we see the power of kindness. Kindness sees the other person even when they cannot see themselves, finds the good, and points to it. In this moment, we learn to love ourselves and the person who is also being kind to us. Kindness is honest and allows us to grow.

Those who value kindness often talk about it as a kind of strength. But at times the word "strength" can be arbitrary. This initial understanding of kindness leads me to understand it as a form of endurance. For example, if someone is really bothering you, simply put up with the annoying person until they go away. This endurance is viewed as patience and interpreted as being kind, but I wouldn’t quite call that example kindness. I would call it fear of being vulnerable with someone. I would call it a sort-of discomfort when interacting with someone you’re not sure about. I would also call it being dishonest with someone because you’re pretending that everything is OK, when expressing what you’re really feeling would help the both of you. Kindness is not silently putting up with annoying people. I’ve come to find kindness as something much deeper. Kindness is seeing people. It is not always the strength of endurance, but also the strength to open one’s eyes and be present with the person right in front of you.

Have you ever gotten in a vicious argument with a friend or relative? In those moments, both of you are hurt. Often we spit cruel words at each other, not necessarily to hurt the other person, but because we’re scared. In these situations, it is very similar to physically shutting your eyes, plugging your ears, and flailing your arms. But the power of kindness is the strength to open your eyes and see the person. It is the strength to pause, look at what your needs are, then focus on what the other person needs and try to find a way where the two of you can have peace. It is looking at the person as someone who has a need, not demonizing them.

I do not know who I would be if it were not for a friend who always showed me kindness when I was upset. There have been so many opportunities for him to lash out, but he is always kind and honest, even when it's uncomfortable. Those interactions have taught me so much about how to love myself and also how to love others. Instead of getting defensive and shutting his eyes, he stopped and saw me. He didn’t demonize me, write me off as a brat, or a hopeless broken person. He always looked at me, sat with me through the pain, gave me advice and hope, or at times a hard answer that I needed to hear. Without that, I don’t know who I’d be.

Kindness is magic. It is key in order to love one another and it is key in order to love ourselves. Kindness is the terror of being vulnerable but the patience to look at and be present with a fellow human being. And so when I think of how to practice kindness, I will practice by looking and being present with the people around me. I will take a deep breath. I will not shut my eyes, plug my ears or flail my arms. I will keep my eyes open and see people.