This one's for everyone who has ever felt, or been told, that they are just "too much."
Growing up I was always the talker, the spaz, and the kid some parents would look at and say "wow, what energy and imagination she has" and you just know it wasn't a compliment. If I ever got in trouble at school it was for talking: too much, out of turn, or when it was supposed to be silent for a test or reading. I can remember being told that I “was too much” many times throughout life. How is a person “too much”? “Too much” what? I started thinking (criticizing) about what about me could be “too much”.
Did I laugh too much or too loud?
Did I talk with my hands (whole body) too much?
Did I talk too much or too fast?
Did I question things too much?
Did I place value on people who didn’t value me too much?
I wrestled with those and still do. Acceptance isn’t something you do once and never think about again. It’s a battle you endure daily, twice a day, three or four- or even a hundred times a day. For me, everything began to change when I surrounded myself with people who never made me feel like I was “too much” of anything. When I’m with them no one had a chance to even question whether I laughed too much or too loud because they were laughing too. They encouraged the passion and excitement that caused my words to bubble over and come out too fast, sometimes in a stream that was incomprehensible, and when I talked with my hands (whole body) they wouldn’t make me feel like a nuisance or an embarrassment, they listened wholeheartedly. When I asked questions they’d answer them to the best they can, probably following a sarcastic answer first, but only out of playful love, not condescension. They are my people, the ones who get me and love me for me.
SEE ALSO: I Have A Huge Personality And That Is OK
As far as placing value on people who don’t value me… I still do that and I think I always will, but that’s just my heart. I get caught up in “friendships” that are not always mutual because I am a personable person, I love to talk to new people forge friendships. My naïve heart just doesn’t always get the memo that not everyone you want to be your friend will want to be yours and that’s okay.
So to everyone who told me I was “too much,” thank you. Truly. For I’d rather have too much of everything than to lack all of the things that make living life so grand.
