I worked a number of jobs this summer to “gain experience in the workplace” and “make connections.” Mostly I tried my best not to work up a sweat filing papers, but I did learn how to occupy myself when apathy stepped in every day around 5pm. Do this when you’re bored:
1. Figure out how to make announcements over the loud speaker.
“Herve, please remove your headphones. You’re breathing very loud and we can all hear.” Or, for a quick fix on a dull afternoon- “Operation suck my dick is in order, please report to the large conference room.”
2. Ask your boss if they’re hungry.
More often than not they’ll appreciate your offer to go out and get lunch for them when they’re busy. After you pick up their quinoa salad at Whole Foods make sure you stop and spill the office goss to your local living statue.
3. Start up a fantasy football game.
I don’t know how this works.
4. Swipe right.
You matched with Fellow Intern #4. Now what? Show up early at the office and swap intern assignments so you’re scheduled for deliveries along the same route. Bring them leftover pizza from the Important Morning Meeting. Email them a live poetry reading you did in college by-accident-on-purpose instead of the motorcylce survey spreadsheet. They’ll be so impressed by your sensitive yet socially aware stance on canned beef products they’ll be by your side taking Buzzfeed quizzes with you before the day is done.
5. Spit!
Spit.
6. Drum up some old-fashioned controversy.
Can you believe Marge had the audacity to hang her grandson’s watercolor painting up on the community fridge? Right next to my new puppy’s birth certificate? Let’s vent.
7. Find a hiding spot.
Abandoned cubicles, empty conference rooms, the last bathroom stall–these are all great places to sit and watch Netflix. They can't make you work if they can't find you.
