My freshman year of high school, my best friend was killed in a car accident.
I’m in bed right now, the same spot I was when I heard about the accident. There were no names, just a car that hit the median. One dead at the scene, one dead at the hospital, two in critical condition. I went to sleep fine, not knowing who didn’t survive a helicopter flight that afternoon.
There was shock and not just initially. It took almost 48 hours to sink it. You don’t understand shock until you don’t feel anything for so long only to then be met with a tidal wave of sadness. Christmas morning, I got the news. It wasn’t until the next night when the names were read on the news, that I lost my mind.
School was hard after Christmas break. The tight knit group we had formed over the years was cut from four to three. We had so many other friends that I couldn’t look in the eye. Any eye-contact meant tears and I felt like I needed to look strong. I’ve always been a leader and I knew that if I slipped, others would too. I kept my head up in hopes everyone else would.
The three of us in our little group grew closer after the accident. The four of us were best friends, none more than the other. Now it was more than friendship. Cole’s death created a bond, something that we shared and felt bring us together. We didn’t talk about it much at first, but we looked out for one another more than ever. It was as if we became a family after that.
As high school wore on, nobody forgot. The pain eventually eased but we celebrated his life year after year. Cole was a friend, a great kid. He was the funny one, the guy that made everyone laugh. I sure as hell miss hearing his. Laughs are contagious but remembering his brings nothing but tears.
This Christmas Eve will mark five years since the accident. My classmates and I have grown up, so much. We’re nearly adults, a far cry from the kids that had our hearts broken one holiday season. I keep up with everyone that I can because I truly do love my high school classmates. They held me up whether they knew it or not and I hope that somehow I held them up.
As for those two boys, I still consider us best friends. Jackson and I remain closer than ever. He’s my brother, I would die for him and he knows it. Colton, I miss you. Come over soon.
My personal beliefs are that death means the end and that’s okay. I don’t think I’ll ever meet Cole again but his smile, his laugh, his love will never leave my heart. I will carry his memory for the rest of my own life, like movie scenes on replay in my mind.
We were kids. We had our world flipped upside down when that car flipped through the median. Kids never die. Kids grow up, they have families, they have their own kids. When that is taken, those kids live within others until they grow and have that family, those kids of their own. Cole, you’ll be with me, a part of my own family someday. I’ll tell my kids about you, how nobody will ever be as cool as you were. You’ll be more than a memory, more than a story. You’ll be the boy that never left my heart.
