In case you haven’t heard, a court ruled that Ke$ha is forced to continue to be loyal to her contract and only make music with the man that sexually assaulted her. She’s not the first celebrity to come forward with a story like this. Recently, Lady Gaga also came out with her firsthand experience with sexual assault as well.
In light of that, let’s take a minute to focus on the continued sexual abuse that women all over the world continue to deal with.
“When men go to college, they buy condoms. When women go to college, they buy pepper spray.”
I once read this somewhere, and it has stuck with me ever since. Why is it that there is this discrepancy between what we teach our sons and what we tell our daughters?
College campuses are a hot spot for sexual assault and rape cases. One in four girls will be raped while attending school, most going unreported. Take a minute to really think about that. That’s actually an absurd statistic. That means that we probably all know at least one person that has been sexually assaulted, and that statistic is too huge to ignore.
While society has started to turn away from victim-shaming, or blaming the victim for arousing the attack, we still have a long way to go. We need to implement a basis of respect and view of women as human beings instead of sexual objects in our sons. As soon as they are able to walk and talk, girls are told from the beginning not to dress too provocatively, not to walk alone, don’t take a drink from strangers, and do not trust anyone. We tell our girls to be weary and continuously cautious that they do not, in a sense, trigger an attack or bring about harm to themselves. Girls are taught to watch their drink at all times, instead of teaching boys not to slip something in it.
We are teaching our daughters this when instead we should be teaching our sons to respect and cherish women, and that no matter what, a girl must consent to engage in any intimate activity with you. It doesn’t matter if she is standing bare naked in front of a man, until she says yes, a man has no right to touch her. Without consent, you are taking away something from a girl that she can never get back. You are leaving a scar on her that she can never remove. You are forcing her to live with the fear and hate you forced upon her.
So how can we change this? We need to close this gap between what we tell our sons vs. what we tell our daughters.
When men walk at night, they don’t worry about being alone. When women walk at night, they need to have someone with them.
When men hold their drink at the bar, they hold it openly. When women hold their drink at the bar, they cover it in fear that someone may slip something in it.
When a stranger approaches a man, they don’t think much of it. When a stranger approaches a woman, their first thought is that he may attack her.
When men go shirtless, they don’t have to worry about being harassed. When women show skin, they have to try to ignore the men throwing disgusting comments their way.
When men take a girl to dinner, they expect sex for dessert. When women go out to dinner with a man, they worry that the man will expect sex after.
When a man has a lot of sex, he is embraced by his friends and deemed “cool.” When a woman has a lot of sex, she is not only slut-shamed but is told she must “want it” if she gets attacked.
When a man walks through a parking garage, he walks to his car and drives away. When a woman walks through a parking garage, she carries her keys like a weapon and scans the darkness for anyone lurking.
When a man walks past a group of men on the street, he walks uninterrupted. When a woman walks past a group of men on the street, she has to ignore the whistles and comments while she quickly scurries away.
Men are taught to shout grotesque things at women. Women are told to take it as a compliment.
Men are taught that they are deserving of a woman’s body. Women are told that it’s their fault for showing it off.
Men are taught that they can take what they want if the woman gives him a sign that she’s interested or if the woman is intoxicated. Women are told that they are asking for it.
I’m not saying that all men are dangerous. There are tons of men out there that do view women as strong, intellectual beings and treat them with the respect they deserve. But it is so important to get all of society on the same page for this issue.
