This break has been a time of reflection, thanksgiving, and working towards stillness. I have realized that I struggle with being present and joyful during all times of life. I see now that even at my happiest times, I never let myself believe that everything is as it should be. I pick myself apart, over think, and analyse. It's exhausting to constantly think that you are not living appropriately.
This Christmas I made the effort to connect with the things that give me peace. Signing out of social media, bypassing photoshopped magazines, and getting away from what distracts me from the reality that is playing out in front of me.
Christmas is a holiday of anticipation for the birth of a gift that surpasses all others. Although this season has taken on many different meanings in our world today, who couldn’t use more patience and joyful expectancy?
I am the absolute worst at unplugging and tuning into what I am feeling and seeing around me. I realized that disconnecting from social media was great for the holiday season, but it take so much more than just four weeks of attempting to silence my life in order to find lasting peace.
Finding silence and stillness doesn't just mean I can be less influenced by the things around me, it also means that I can hear my own voice, and the voice of my creator, louder than anything else. The reality is that no matter what you feel about outside voiced shaping your inward view, we are all heavily influenced by those around us. These voices or inputs are not always wrong. They can make us feel loved, supported, and cared for, but they also have the ability to debilitate how you see yourself and the way you see the world. You do not have a choice on whether you are influenced or not, but you have complete control over who gets to be the loudest in your life.
During this time of cyber cleansing, I realized that I have let other people’s insecurities, and my own, be the loudest voice in my life. I have taken moments of joy and happiness in others lives and twisted them in a way that hurts me. When I see pictures on Facebook with people having so much fun and enjoyment in their lives, I question the legitimacy of my own happiness.
I’ve realized that there has been, and probably always will be an internal battle playing out in my mind at all hours of the day. It has the ability to take the joy in someone else’s life and make me think that I am less than or not valuable enough to have that or be that. It makes enjoying with friends difficult, and facing dilemmas even more challenging. But, I believe that it has little to no true power in my life. Yes, when I tune into the world around me and forget to look within, it has a stronger hold on my perception of the world, but ultimately it is extinguished when I dismiss its presence.
By slowing down this season, I have been able to see the power that the mind has to debunk reality, including the love, care, and support a person is feeling by twisting it into loneliness, rejection, and hate. At the root of this season is a simple, life barring Gift that is not designed to be celebrated for one day, but for a lifetime. We are battling a battle that thrives off of negativity and hatred, but the reality is, we are in control of feeding that source of hate, or starving it.
Trying to fight this battle is hard, and this joyful season can either help or hurt that process. The hope and prayer for myself and for everyone in my life is to primarily quiet their lives so much so that they can keep the peace and joy that Christmas brings for the entire year. However this looks in your life, I hope that you can fight this fight to regain perspective and control of your one and only precious life!
