You Don't Have To Keep Up With High School Friends In College

You May Not Have Time To Keep Up With High School Friends In College And TBH? That's OK

Even though it may sound like we don't care enough to make time for each other or weren't really best friends if we could be in the same place and still "drift" like that, I think it's safe to say that it's been a nice change of pace for our friendship.

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I usually count down the days until the weekend, but this past week I was looking forward to Friday a little extra. It was probably the most anticipation I've felt towards anything since move-in day. Friday was when my three best friends from high school were visiting me. Two of them go to different schools hours away, and the other is at Rutgers with me, but this would be the first time that the four of us, inseparable for the past four years, would be reunited after parting ways at the end of summer.

Spending time with my old friends and the new friends I've made here all together got me thinking about the relationships in my life before and after starting college. I come from a high school where over half the graduating class comes to Rutgers New Brunswick, so I was expecting college to be like high school 2.0. But since I've been here, I've realized that I was way off with that assumption. It's a nice balance of walking down the street and having a quick conversation with a familiar face, but also being able to form a completely new group of friends, separate from my high school ones.

This first month of college has taught me that the high school friends who are far away at other schools are easy to keep, whether it be an occasional FaceTime call or "I miss you" text. It's the old friends here, who I thought I'd be hanging with all the time, that have proven harder to stay in touch with. No matter how much we attempt to make plans or link up during our busy weeks, our time demands to be spent elsewhere. I barely have time to catch a meal in the dining hall between classes, studying, clubs, and building new friendships, let alone hanging out with old friends.

Take my one best friend who I saw on Friday, for example. This girl and I grew up a few doors down from each other, went to the same school, were co-captains of the same team, had all the same friends, and have basically been inseparable our entire lives. Now here we are at Rutgers where she's dorming on Livi, and I'm living on College Ave. We have conflicting schedules and completely separate circles of friends for the first time in our lives. In fact, it took our other friends coming from hours away to visit us for us to bring together our separate friend groups and hang out altogether on Friday night.

Even though it may sound like we don't care enough to make time for each other or weren't really best friends if we could be in the same place and still "drift" like that, I think it's safe to say that it's been a nice change of pace for our friendship. It's important to take a step back from these people we once felt so close to, and realize that it's OK to not be in each other's lives at all times. There's no use putting pressure on spending time with the people who have been in our lives forever when there is an entire university of people in front of us to meet.

This first month of college I've grown so close to a new group of people who I now feel like I've known my whole life. I've realized how hard it is to balance time for these new friends along with old ones, but that that's OK. We are all stressed in our crazy, hectic lives, and that's only gonna be increasingly true as we move farther and farther away from high school. That doesn't mean we should let go of high school altogether, but instead, we should make sure we have time to embrace all the new and exciting aspects of our lives. It's so important to enjoy the little things, like the new friends you sit around talking with at 4 a.m., just as much as the bigger ones like weekend visits from your best friends.

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20 Phrases All Roommates Say To Each Other

Some common phrases all roommates have said to each other at some point.
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1. Do I have to go to class?

2. When do you have class today?

3. Want to get lunch before your next class?

4. Do you think I need to wash my hair? I can’t tell if it’s greasy.

5. What’s the weather? I don’t know what to wear.

6. Are you going out tonight?

7. What should I wear tonight?

8. Can I borrow a shirt?

9. We have to watch *insert Netflix show here*.

10. Want to order in dinner tonight?

11. We have to take a cute picture tonight so I can Instagram.

12. Is this a good caption for my Instagram? How’s the edit?

13. Ok I instagrammed … go like and comment.

14. We should probably clean our room soon.

15. Can I borrow your *insert random item here*

16. I’m so hungry.

17. I think it’s time to do our laundry.

18. I’m going to start eating healthy and go to the gym more.

19. The dining hall menu is so bad today.

20. Thanks for being my best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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To My First Best Friend Who I Lost Because I Was Foolish

We all make mistakes, but losing you was the one I wish I never made.

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When we met, we were young. Two twelve-year-old girls with little to no life experience, naive and waiting for the world to come at us with all that it had.

We bonded quickly over anything and everything (whatever that could have been at this age) and became inseparable soon enough. Hours spent talking on the phone about which PBS cartoon was the best or what kind of boys were our "type" strengthened our blooming friendship and, for once, I felt like I finally had someone I could call my best friend.

I told you everything. I told you about my family and why I don't talk to certain members, and you told me about your family and why you don't know certain members. We trusted each other with our deepest and darkest secrets, we found solace in each other when it got hard to speak and we comforted each other when memories triggered emotions that were beyond our capabilities to handle.

As the months passed by, you became a bigger part of my life little by little. I remember a time where I couldn't have pictured going a day without talking to each other, and it seems like a lifetime ago when we would wake up early in the morning and immediately get on the phone after going to sleep late the night before.

I never wanted to believe that friendships don't last forever, despite what I had always heard. I wanted us to be different; I wanted us to be the exception that everyone could look at and say, "those are real best friends."

But I never took into consideration that sometimes, friendships don't last because one of the parties f**** it up.

We could talk in circles about what happened between us (we probably have) and we'd still end up at the same conclusion: It was me. And, at the end of the day, I think I always knew that I was the detrimental factor in our ultimate demise.

I did what every girl swears they will never do, what every girl says is the absolute worst thing to do: I chose my boyfriend over our friendship, and it's my biggest regret.

It's not that I meant to. I never thought I would even be capable of choosing anyone over you. We were unstoppable and I always believed I could never find anyone to be more important in my life than you, my best friend.

But, when you're "young and in love" (or blinded by what you think is love) you make stupid decisions without thinking of the consequences that will surely come.

I can't remember exactly what the situation was, or maybe I can and I just don't see a point in hashing it out for the millionth time because it only reminds me of what I wish I could change. Regardless, I don't think the details matter when the end result is what changed our lives forever.

The truth is, I don't really know how your life was after the fact. I know that I had a relationship that I dreaded, friends that I probably took for granted, and family that I didn't thank enough. But I never asked what got you through my absence, if my absence hurt as much to you as it did to me, or when you realized that you didn't need me anymore as much as you thought you did.

Maybe I didn't need to know, and maybe I still don't, it's just interesting to see how self-centered I was.

I've grown up a lot since then. I've dealt with some of the hardest things I would never wish upon anyone, I've come to see who I am and who I'm meant to be, and I've acknowledged and accepted my faults and mistakes a thousand times over.

I know I apologized to you more times than you can count, but I know that I'll never be able to say sorry enough. You were my better half, my lifeline, my best friend, and I kick myself every day for throwing it away like it meant nothing when it was everything.

We've moved past it together as much as we can, and we're now able to look back and chalk it up to "silly teenage girl things," but it doesn't mean that it can be erased. Our friendship exists now, but I can't help but wonder what it could have been if nothing would have happened.

2007 is a long time ago, twelve years since we met to be exact. We're both going to be twenty-four this year (you already are, I still have a month to go) and it would have been a friendship for the record books if we had made it this far.

Maybe our weddings would have been planned together. Maybe we would have been each other's maids of honor, and maybe we would have each planned kickass bachelorette parties that would never have been forgotten.

I know I don't want to have kids, but maybe in another world we could have been pregnant at the same time. Our kids could have been born with a best friend already chosen, one that would love and support them the same way that we would have done for each other. And though a lot of kids hate being thrown into friendships with their parents' kids, maybe ours would have been the exception.

I don't know what would have been, and I could go on forever with the "maybes" and the "what ifs" but it doesn't change the fact that they're all simply wishes and dreams, those that were lost the moment I turned my back on a friendship that was always there when I needed it.

You and me, we've found our homes in new people. We've formed bonds, made connections and surrounded ourselves with those who love us, and I think that's great and it's how it should be.

Still, I wish we could be for each other what we once were, what we should have been.

I made mistakes and I walked away from a friendship that was everything I needed it to be, and there's not a day that goes by in which I don't regret it.

And even though life goes on and we had to find a way to go along with it, I wouldn't mind going back and choosing differently. Because I know now that friendships as important and as pure as the one we had should always come first.

Always.

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