I always knew I wanted to attend an out-of-state university. As an Illinois resident, the price for our state schools is outrageous. Not only that, but I wanted to get out and away from Illinois. I could simply not justify spending loads of money to live an hour away. An unfortunate circumstance that comes with becoming an out-of-state student is that I fell in love with an in-state student.
Every time I go home for spring, winter, and summer breaks, I'm saying goodbye to my boyfriend. Spring break was only a week, so it was doable. However, summer break comes with months of separation. Combine that with work, appointments, job interviews, vacations, and only one of us having a car and suddenly being 4.5 hours away becomes a chore. Visiting is possible, but difficult to plan. I know we'll get through it just fine, but it doesn't take away the pain of missing each other.
Fortunately, we live in the age of technology and it makes long-distance relationships a lot less arduous. Here are some tips and tricks to help you get through the trials of a long-distance relationship.
1. Talk to each other every day
You don't need to be having in-depth conversations at every hour of every day. Of course, you're going to get busy and perhaps be unable to text the other back right away. That doesn't mean you have to fall into silence, though. Simply wishing your spouse a good day, or sending them a Snapchat as you're getting ready in the morning is enough for them to know you're thinking about them and that you miss them.
2. Stay connected with a hobby
My boyfriend and I are spending the summer playing video games that the other has recommended. It helps us maintain the connection we have with our shared interests. It's also nice to know that someone you love has taken a liking to one of your favorite things. Find something you both love to do, and then do it in your own time (or do it together through the power of the internet).
3. Send a postcard, letter, or package
I know I can just as easily send a text, but there is something special about hand-writing something. If you have the financial means, sending care packages is super fun. Include some new snacks or things that remind you of them. Getting mail from someone you love is always enjoyable, and you can turn it into a surprise. Who wouldn't love an unexpected care package? You can always save the letters and look back at them when you're old and gray.
4. Be flexible and understanding
Your significant other may not always be available when you want them to be. If they don't see that Snapchat you sent them fifteen minutes ago, let it go. Expecting them to be glued to their phone at unreasonable times like work is only going to cause unnecessary tension. If you're bored and want their attention, find something else to occupy your time. Am I guilty of blowing up my boyfriend's phone because I have too much time on my hands? Perhaps, but I don't get mad if he doesn't reply because he's working. I move on and scroll Instagram instead.
5. Allow for "me" time
Give you and your partner a break every once in a while. It's good to unplug and focus on yourself, rather than always be focused on maintaining your relationship. Everything will be fine if you set your phone aside for a couple of hours to read, take a bath, cook a meal, binge some Netflix, etc.
6. You can always use Skype
Technology has provided us with a means of video-chatting with anyone at any time in any place that has a stable WiFi connection. If you're just desperately missing their face, get on Skype/FaceTime/etc. and have a conversation.
7. Planning ahead
As I have learned, long-distance relationships come with lots of planning for the future. Whether it's short-term or long-term, there always seems to be a plan that needs to be made. Visiting the family, road trips, and the next few semesters are just some ideas that I have circulating in my head as of now. Plan your next adventures to the zoo, the city, a convention, etc.
8. Movie lists & music playlists
Make a list of the movies you want to watch together when the time comes. Create Spotify playlists with songs that remind you of them, or that you just really like. It gives you something to look forward to for the times that you're together and something to work on during the times that you're not.
9. Give them a souvenir
I may have convinced my boyfriend to let me steal one of his favorite hoodies over break (it's the summer, he's not going to need it). Whenever I'm missing him a lot, I curl up with it because it smells like him. Adorable, I know. It doesn't have to be an article of clothing, though. You can give your significant other anything that will remind them of you.
10. Honesty is the best policy
Never be afraid to open up about how you're feeling to your significant other. If you push those negative emotions down or away, they will culminate and rear their ugly head at an inappropriate time. It's best to be completely sincere. Physical distance should not create an emotional distance between you two.
11. You really need to trust
This wasn't an issue for me, but I know it can be for some people. Trust is one of the most important components in a relationship. Without trust, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship where you can rely on each other. Trust is even more vital when your relationship is long distance. If you need to, make a point of setting specific boundaries. You two should know what works best for your relationship, but the trust needs to be there.
12. Remember that your time apart is completely worth it
I know how much it sucks. I'm experiencing it right now, and I cannot tell you how much I miss my boyfriend. I feel cold and empty without him here, but I know that it's going to be worth it when we see each other again soon. I'm really looking forward to that first hug and kiss after so much time apart.
